Three-Pronged Trouser God Mafia GAME OVER- Happy Ending?

[St Constantine the Hermit]

Alright, well I don't see any further imposition to hammering.

Fire away!

[masters of fart]

I think Saint's wagon si read for a hammer.

Also, unless St Constantine is understood, and/or leashed, we should lynch that asap. or vig.

[White Narcissus]

shos confirm that Imperium's results are inno/guilty instead of faction?

~Wis

[Imperium]

Okay I'll wait for mof.

Also, Christian grey is not a vampire, but iirc 50 shades of grey began as an erotic fan fiction sparked from twilight, so it doesn't seem off with that in mind.

[masters of fart]

The first results explicitly said that you are guilty, and the other explicitly said that you are not guilty.

[Voidedmafia]

I think Saint's wagon si read for a hammer.

Also, unless St Constantine is understood, and/or leashed, we should lynch that asap. or vig.

I still think he's been bullshitting since Post 1 and is trying to keep the charade up in hopes that we'll keep him around. Should be lynched regardless.

[Voidedmafia]

The first results explicitly said that you are guilty, and the other explicitly said that you are not guilty.

So Imp's check didn't give you a faction? Just a blanket guilty/non-guilty statement?

[White Narcissus]

I wonder how many times you guys are going to ask mof about it before we lynch Saint.

~Sakura

[White Narcissus]

They already said it

explicitly

said not-guilty, that's already an answer.

~Sakura

[White Narcissus]

so i guess imperium either investigates for repubdickans or for all kinds of scum (most likely the former)

~Wis

[Imperium]

Okay then.

VOTE: saint

[God of Power Outlets]

Goals to aspire to!
In 2009, Masanobu Sato masturbated continuously for 9 hours and 58 minutes. Loser. I could probably double that.

Vote Count #4

Saint (11) - farside22, White Narcissus, Xtoxm, VoidedMafia, Spiffeh, Slobberknocker, Misaka Network, dramonic, Aneninen, masters of fart, Imperium
White Narcissus (5) - St. Constantine, Gorkington, Saint, Oversoul, Jaqen Hghar
dramonic (1) - DrippingGoofball


Not Voting (3) - curiouskarmadog, Fresh, ZZZX

With 20 Alive, it takes 11 to Lynch

Activity Check -

STILL Seeking a replacement for curiouskarmadog

It is now twilight. Anyone but the lynchee may post until I post the flip.

Will post the flip at about midnight EST after I get off from work.

[masters of fart]

Goals to aspire to!
In 2009, Masanobu Sato masturbated continuously for 9 hours and 58 minutes. Loser. I could probably double that.

......umm ok

Saint's death is a good thing to have happened. Saint, if you're here, are you scum? if not, you should probably explain anything you can in order to help us tomorrow.

[Jaqen Hghar]

The first results explicitly said that you are guilty, and the other explicitly said that you are not guilty.

this

[farside22]

Zzzzzzzz

[Jaqen Hghar]

Goals to aspire to!
In 2009, Masanobu Sato masturbated continuously for 9 hours and 58 minutes. Loser. I could probably double that.

......umm ok

Saint's death is a good thing to have happened. Saint, if you're here, are you scum? if not, you should probably explain anything you can in order to help us tomorrow.

It is now twilight. Anyone but the lynchee may post until I post the flip.

[Saint]

GG.

[Voidedmafia]

Someone can't read <_<

[Spiffeh]

I'm comin after you aliens tonight

ya better run

[God of Power Outlets]

[With the sun about to set, television reporter Tara Kockov and her cameraman sneak through the woods toward the Commune.]

"Shhh, quiet," Tara tells her cameraman in a hushed whisper. "If you don't fuck this up, I might even get a Pulitzer for this."

"Uhh, isn't the Pulitzer only for print journalism?" The cameraman asks. "I'm pretty sure you're thinking of the Murrow Award."

"Why do you ruin everything good, Ben? Hmm? Is it your place to just follow me around all day, just shitting on my parades? Can't you just let me dream of winning a Pulitzer?"

"I've read your blog, Ms. Kockov. It's not good. It's not even literature."

"Okay, Ben, I get it."

"No, ma'am, you really don't. The syphilitic escapees of a Central American insane asylum for chimps could write better than you."

"Always with the syphilitic monkeys. Don't you ever let ANYTHING go?!"

"Easy for you to say, Ms. Kockov. You weren't the one that needed a testicle transplant."

[Tara stops abruptly, having reached the edge of the woods. She silently directs her cameraman to film the gallows at the center of town. The Communers are praying to the Trouser Gods. They stand in a circle around one of the members. As they finish their prayer, the circle closes in. They force Saint to the gallows, and within moments his life is over.]

"My god," says Tara with a hushed tone, "They're killing another one. I bet he's someone famous."

[The Communers cut down his body and several of them rush off to his home to find out what sort of sexual kink he's into. They return within a few minutes.]

"According to his journal," announces one of them loudly, "Saint was once a gimp. Apparently though, his gimp suit was stolen from him at some point."

"Shit," whispers Tara, "Just a gimp. There's no story here. Yet. Ben, go pitch a tent."

"We didn't bring a tent, ma'am."

"I hate you more every day, Ben. You realize that, right?"

[The sun goes down. Having sinned once again, the town retires to their homes. Tara Kockov and her cameraman retire to two separate beds of leaves. Tara snores like a dump truck, but Ben doesn't dare mention it. Night has begun.]

Saint - The Gimp - Commune Gimp-turned-Vanilla was lynched.

Night Deadline will almost certainly be extended while we search for a replacement for CKD. We will give 24 hour notice before we stop accepting night actions.

[God of Power Outlets]

Bacde replaces curiouskarmadog.

Everyone now has until 12AM EST September 17 to submit their night actions. .

[God of Power Outlets]

Dawn is approaching....

Replacement for ZZZX is being sought...

[God of Power Outlets]

[Tara Kockov, failing reporter, wakes up to the sound of sirens. Despite having slept in the dirt, she still looks TV-ready as always. She stands, walks over to Ben the Cameraman, and kicks him sharply in the ribs.]

"Wake up, idiot," she says. "We're missing something."

"Ugh," moans Ben, "I had the most wonderful dream. You were being mauled to death by a bear."

"Yeah yeah," says Tara, "we don't have time for your crap. Let's go see what's going on."

[They run from the woods toward the Commune, where a police helicopter circles overhead. One of the houses has at least ten patrol cars circling it. Obviously there's a story there, but Tara soon notices Commune members surrounding two of the other houses. Figuring she can't get access to the heavily guarded home, she approaches the Communers at Slobberknocker's house.]

"What the hell happened here?" she wonders aloud, "And who do I have to stroke off for a scoop?"

[As if to immediately take her up on her offer, two of the Communers lead her into Slobberknocker's home. Lying facedown, Slobberknocker is quite dead. His assless chaps expose his pasty-pale buttcheeks to the world. Bruises and abrasions cover his body, along with multiple Bibles. Inside each Bible, a single verse is highlighted.]

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery'; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." -Matthew 5:27-28

"Jesus. These religious freaks have done it again," says Tara.

"You ain't seen nothing yet," shouts one of the Communers, sticking his head through the door. "Follow me!"

[Tara, the cameraman, and the third Communer run toward Fresh's house, leaving the other two wondering about the handjobs they're owed. Upon reaching Fresh's house, they find a large collection of guns, NRA pamphlets, Bibles, and most of all--- his emaciated body. Fresh has pretty clearly starved to death. A piece of paper lies next to Fresh's horrific corpse.]

"Congressional Order #56621- The Defunding of Fresh, passed 435-0. An attached rider supporting the building of a bridge in Wakashaw, Oregon also passes."

"This is insane," says Tara, "Does Congress even have that authority? Ben, start the camera."

"Wait!" shouts a voice nearby.

[Tara turns around to find a police officer with his pants unbuttoned.]

"I can get you inside the crime scene over at White Narcissus' house," says the cop. "All you gotta do is give me a handy."

"Really? Okay, fine," Tara says. "I only have so many hands. Ben, you're gonna have to help out."

"Dammit, Ms. Kockov," Ben replies, "the Union said you're not allowed to make me give handjobs anymore."

"To hell with the Union, do you want to get paid or not?"

[Ben the Cameraman begrudgingly agrees. The police officer leads Tara, Ben, and the three people who are already owed handjobs to White Narcissus' house. Police are carting away boxes, as well as excavating the crawl space under the house. Police IT experts are carrying out computers.]

"What we've found," says the officer as he strokes his own cock idly, "is possibly one of the most prolific serial killers in history. Preliminary investigation has revealed a number of bodies buried beneath his house, as well as a crazy amount of child pornography. It seems that when the bodies here began to pile up, he started using the Deep Web to have others do his killing for him. He also apparently dug up numerous bodies so that he could have sexual relations with them. This was a sick, sick man."

"How did he die?" asks Tara.

"Natural causes," says the officer, his hand gliding up and down his average-sized shaft, "Well, natural in the sense that it's only natural to bleed to death after being shot 143 times."

"Jesus," says Tara, "Okay, Ben, start rolling, we got news to report."

"Not so fast," says one of the Communers, "I believe we were promised hand relief?"

"Oh, fine," says Tara.

[Tara Kockov begins stroking the first two Communers with her right and left hands. She uses her third hand to jerk off the third Communer. She then nods to Ben who reluctantly takes over masturbating the police officer. Three are dead, and day has dawned in the Commune.]

Slobberknocker- Wally the Window-Peeper - Wrong Place at Wrong Time Commune Guy

was Bible Thumped.

Fresh- Brian Austin - Pruddite Vigilante Neighbor

was Defunded.

White Narcissus- Willy-Wonka Manson - Serial Killing Factional Redirecting Gravedigging Child Pornography Distributor

was gunned down.

Day has begun. Still seeking replacement for ZZZX.

With 16 alive, it takes 9 to lynch.

[Metal Sonic]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

[masters of fart]

I TOLD YOU SO, NACHO

YOUR COP SUCKS