There's no such thing as an online friendship

[Sketchwick]

Funny, whenrever I read Talitha's posts I just imagine a big pregnant lump typing them. Somewhere in New Zealand there is a blob of flesh with hands at a keyboard typing away.

Maybe it's just me.

sketchwick

[bigbenwd]

*runs away, fearing the wrath of talitha*

[Talitha]

And whenever I read sketchwick's posts I imagine a big uhhh... duh...

This is why I don't play the insult game, I'm no good at it

~pulls scarey faces at ben then goes away to eat cookies~

[bigbenwd]

phew, glad i wasn't there to see those scary faces

[Sketchwick]

Actually Talitha, most women who read my posts imagine a big uhhh....


sketchwick

[Foolster41]

Tal Wrote:

thought some more about the point I was trying to make in the chat:
It's not that I lie on the internet, but that I feel different about myself.

I think this one of things that most intrests me about the internet culture. I think most people online are like this, I sure am. It's not that I'm pretending to be someone else, (as sadly, some do to take advantage of others, or just to try to "be cooler" then they are.) I think it's simply i'm not as shy/intemidated as I normaly am looking at someone face to face. The digree of this changes from person to person too, I don't think I'm too different, just a little less quiet. I guess what it reallly comes down to is motive. Are you trying to be different that who you are?

[Internet Stranger]

So does that mean that you all hide who you really are while in meatworld?

[shadyforce]

I think I'm a little shyer in 'meatworld' but other than that, pretty much the same. However, I'll leave that for people who know me in both worlds to judge.

[bigbenwd]

So does that mean that you all hide who you really are while in meatworld?

yes, you'd be suprised.

[gashlycrumb]

I think IS and Talitha are both correct in a way, but they disagree over what constitutes a "difference." IS says that internet relations aren't fundamentally different, just more efficient because there's no barrier of immediate physicality. That may be true, but isn't that a difference? I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that for me, immediate physicality is a huge difference!

Now, perhaps I'm just an odd duck. I'm shy, but I'm also outspoken. I could talk your ear off; I could go on and on with rambling pontification. I love having the kind of relationships with people where we can really talk - long, serious, deep talks that share your psyche, your dreams, your quirks... really get to know each other and what makes them tick.
I'm also really shy. I've got a lot of anxiety about social interactions with real people in the flesh. Immediate physicality

is

the issue. I can't go to parties. I hate parties, they make me so shy and nervous. I hide in corners or run away. The concept of a party wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for all those fleshpeople. If I could communicate with other partygoers in a chatroom, the scary situation would be gone.
Rape is not the only negative consequence of flirting in real life. There are other reasons why we sometimes avoid flirting or feel guilty about it later. It's because of the physicality of the other person. You are physically collocated, and capable of doing just about any physical thing. If you flirt with someone [not on the the internet] they often interpret it to mean that you are interested in dating/having sex with them, and you're physically capable of doing either of those. So, if you just want to flirt a little, and you're not looking for anything more, you can get yourself into an awkward situation where suddenly some guy wants to take you home, and all you wanted was a smile.
Maybe your husband is away at war and you spend all your time taking care of your dozens of children. You just want a little bit of male attention to help you feel attractive and desirable. You don't want to be a tease, but then the flirtee expects more than you're looking to give, and voila - you're a tease.
On the internet, there aren't physical expectations. Just like you can't get raped on the internet, you can't have sex on the internet. [Cybersex isn't physical sex.] If you flirt in a chatroom full of strangers from all over the world, you're not expected to jump into bed with them. A chatroom is not a bar where you can walk out the door, down the street, and take someone home with you. It's just not the same.

[gashlycrumb]

I'm meeting my best friend in two weeks, driving 8 hours each way to see him. I'm just hoping he's still my best friend afterwards.

This is the kind of thing that I am talking about when I say that internet relationships are different. If Candice was talking about a "real life" friend here, then her statement would not make a lot of sense. (All the best with that from me too, Candice )

Its the same situation as if she was driving to see her best friend from school who moved 8 hours away with whom she kept in touch with via letters or phone.

I think it's different. In some aspects it's the same, but still... she's meeting him for the first time.
The only time I've ever done that, I was extremely nervous in a way I would not have been nervous if this were my old friend who'd moved away. I suppose it's not an issue if a person's physical presence doesn't phase you at all. For me, it does.
Once I did what Candice is doing, and it was very weird and awkward. On the one hand, you know this person so well, you know how they think, maybe you can finish their sentences for them.
On the other hand, you've never met them. Do you even know what they look like? What their voice sounds like? What they smell like? All those things that seem trivial with in-the-flesh acquaintances are removed.
If the guy is your best friend, maybe he'll want to hug you or put his arm around you or touch in whatever ways are expected for best friends.
I was in a situation like this, and it was so weird having a strange guy put his arm around me. I knew him, but the physical presence was still a person I'd never met before, and my mental reaction was to think, "Who is this strange man and why is he touching me?"
Over the internet you don't need to feel physically intimidated. In "real life," physical intimidation happens.
I'm a young woman. I'm twenty years old, but I probably look younger. I'm average sized and in decent shape, but I'm not very strong, and I wouldn't stand a chance in fight with man over the age of twelve. Men physically intimidate me slightly. If we were all in a room together, I probably wouldn't be having this conversation with any of you who are men and who look older than I am, because I'd be intimidated.

[Guest]

Foolster: You sound quite similar to myself.

gashly: I identify a lot with what you're saying too. I'm weird though because I get more intimidated when I'm one-on-one with people, than when I'm in a group with them.

So does that mean that you all hide who you really are while in meatworld?

Do I hide? No. Am i different? Yes. I am a different person when I'm teaching kids at school, to who I am when I'm with my family. I'm different again when I go out with friends. And I'm different again on the internet. I'm not hiding my real self. These are all my real selves.

[Talitha]

Bah got logged out. Me above of course.

[shadyforce]

Actually, when face to face, I prefer to be one on one rather in a group with people. It's just a whole lot more comfortable for me, for some reason...

[PolarBoy]

IS, your comment about hiding your true self seems to have struck home. It's my belief that, in general, a given person is going to reveal their true self to very few people, if any, and even then not the whole thing. I think it's just a part of human nature.

To me, though, it seems that there are ways in which internet encounters are qualitatively different from physical encounters. A good example would be speech Vs. text. Someone slurs over everything he says, the first reaction is to assume that he's somehow mentally handicapped or perhaps very poorly educated. Anyway I become somewhat less interested in having a conversation with this person, because of the obvious difficulties involved.

Over to the internet. The same person could become a sparkling wit, because actually he is quite intelligent and expressive, he just doesn't have the motor control to speak properly. The same situation can be somewhat reversed, with people who talk well, but spell poorly or type slowly(the internet equivalent of a speech impediment). Both people are essentially the same. It's not that the internet had more or less of anything in either situation, it was simply different.

Bear in mind neither of these people is cut off from meaningful relationships in either plane, they'll just have to work a little harder and longer at it in one than the other.

At any rate, the feeling different comes from changes like that. It's not a matter of what we want to show or hide. Sometimes we can't control those things.

[Internet Stranger]

Very close Polarboy. But keep in mind that the conversation and the relationships still have not changed in your example. The end goals remain the same. The conversation themselves remain the same. The relationship paradigms remain the same.

Your example only illustrates the lack of skill of some people to use the tools required to maintain the conversations/relationships. Some cant use the computer, others cant use the bar or another meatworld setting. As I had said earlier. The internet isnt a new investion or a revolutionary tool, its the bar.

[CDog]

Wow, very interesting discussion.

I find it a bit hard for me to relate to in some respects because I've always had a problem with imaging a real person/people behind all the text that appears on the screen. It just doesn't come naturally to me. Heck, I don't even like talking on the phone for the same reason. I don't think I could have a meaningful relationship that wasn't largely face to face.

The way I rationalise this (feel free to tell me I'm crazy btw) is that I think that the more you invest into a relationship the more you get out of it. I think internet communication may be too 'easy' in a way. Too easy to walk away from and such...

[Carmine]

You're crazy!

But more seriously: perhaps it's easier to have more shallow encounters with people on the internet (it's certainly easier to walk away, I agree), but I think that beyond that people invest just as much in online friendships as they do in offline ones.

[Internet Stranger]

Of course they invest as much, the relationship model didnt change. You all are forgetting that again that the increased efficiency is allowing you to meet hundreds of more people than you could while in meatworld.

[Wacky]

Yes. but that means greater exposure to risk. Example: each of you individually know close to nothing about me.. or at least I think you don't. Yet you post personal details in Where your username came from and Bio of a scum player, and post your pictures in what do you look like.

[Internet Stranger]

How is that any different from the first 10 that lines you tell people while in meatworld? You must be a really odd conversation if you refuse to tell people your name or where youre from or even what books you like,

[Wacky]

True.

Any tips for meeting some online person IRL? She's holding a get together for all her friends and invited me.

[Internet Stranger]

bah, the same you meet a person anywhere! Its all real life!

What you need to ask is, should I do anything different because im going to see her in meatworld? The answer would be no.

You talk, you ask, you get rewarded.
You skulk, hope, pray and you get a warm sock at night.