Advice-a-flare!

vonflare · Post Post #0 (isolation #0) » Thu Oct 08, 2015 3:34 am

You confide here your worldly problems, and I shall provide you with my sage wisdom.

Problems solved to date: 23

vonflare · Post Post #4 (isolation #1) » Thu Oct 08, 2015 8:34 am

In post 1, BeardedCat wrote:halp the elderly kitten hisses at me when i pounce her and chew her tail. she is very mean to me.

Chew someone else's tail.

PROBLEM #1 SOLVED!

vonflare · Post Post #9 (isolation #2) » Thu Oct 08, 2015 9:44 am

In post 8, Salamence20 wrote:Whats the most effective and cheap way to eliminate JDGA?

tear gas and blueberries

next question!

vonflare · Post Post #14 (isolation #3) » Fri Oct 09, 2015 12:19 am

In post 13, Salamence20 wrote:HEY VONFLARE.

IT DIDNT WORK. JDGA GOT AWAY.

I WANT MY MONEY BACK.

You didn't do it right

vonflare · Post Post #15 (isolation #4) » Fri Oct 09, 2015 12:21 am

In post 11, Ythan wrote:How can I escape from desire, aversion, and ignorance?

For the first two: don't have a girlfriend

For the third one: read some textbooks

vonflare · Post Post #16 (isolation #5) » Fri Oct 09, 2015 12:22 am

In post 12, CooLDoG wrote:You made this thread. That is a problem.

Also, please tell me how to stir up some shit. It is getting boring.

You'll need a plunger, a bucket, and a spoon.

vonflare · Post Post #22 (isolation #6) » Fri Oct 09, 2015 10:57 am

In post 18, esuriospiritus wrote:I want it to be the weekend forever but I don't have a time machine or enough PTO, wat do

In post 21, Davsto wrote:
In post 18, esuriospiritus wrote:I want it to be the weekend forever but I don't have a time machine or enough PTO, wat do

Time flies when you're having fun. If, mathematically from this, you assume the speed at which time passes is proportional to the amount of fun being had, one can deduct that, by having no fun at all on the weekend, the weekend could potentially last indefinitely.

This is the correct answer

vonflare · Post Post #24 (isolation #7) » Fri Oct 09, 2015 12:07 pm

In post 23, T S O wrote:I want to get this guy called vonflare permanently banned. How should I go about doing it?

Hack my account, make me post death threats to a bunch of scummers in GD, report me.

Next!

vonflare · Post Post #26 (isolation #8) » Fri Oct 09, 2015 12:10 pm

tgem breAk into my house and create an alt from my IP. ban evasion.

vonflare · Post Post #29 (isolation #9) » Sun Oct 11, 2015 4:02 am

Slice it into lots of tiny pieces. Put them in over a period of a year. (@frogger)

vonflare · Post Post #30 (isolation #10) » Sun Oct 11, 2015 4:02 am

In post 28, Oman wrote:This thread is amazing. How do I make threads of this quality?

Become me

vonflare · Post Post #32 (isolation #11) » Sun Oct 11, 2015 4:37 am

Obtain a glass cutter

vonflare · Post Post #35 (isolation #12) » Sun Oct 11, 2015 5:59 am

In post 33, Kublai Khan wrote:How can I become a Flemish dictator?

Name your property "Flemish" and declare it a sovergn nation

vonflare · Post Post #36 (isolation #13) » Sun Oct 11, 2015 5:59 am

In post 34, Glork wrote:How do I do that one thing in the place with the stuff?

I think you already know.

vonflare · Post Post #39 (isolation #14) » Sun Oct 11, 2015 1:35 pm

In post 37, Davsto wrote:When someone asks you an incomplete question?

You give them an incomplete respon

vonflare · Post Post #40 (isolation #15) » Sun Oct 11, 2015 1:35 pm

In post 38, Kublai Khan wrote:How do I get you to use proper punctuation?

Sentences are funnier without periods at the end

So you can't.

I'm still counting this as a solved problem tho

vonflare · Post Post #44 (isolation #16) » Mon Oct 12, 2015 1:07 am

In post 41, GuyInFreezer wrote:What should I do to ensure I ban a lot of miserable people?

Hack their account, post offensive material, report.

vonflare · Post Post #45 (isolation #17) » Mon Oct 12, 2015 1:07 am

In post 42, Espeonage wrote:What should I eat for a snack?

Peanut butter Nutella sandwich

vonflare · Post Post #46 (isolation #18) » Mon Oct 12, 2015 1:08 am

In post 43, Kmd4390 wrote:I'm too tired to do anything, but not tired enough to sleep. What do I do? I'm also hungry and don't have any food that doesn't need to be cooked but I'm too tired to cook.

Play video games until you are hungry enough to cook, then cook and eat, then go to bed.

vonflare · Post Post #48 (isolation #19) » Mon Oct 12, 2015 2:06 am

In post 47, esuriospiritus wrote:
In post 45, vonflare wrote:
In post 42, Espeonage wrote:What should I eat for a snack?

Peanut butter Nutella banana sandwich

FTFY

Ew

vonflare · Post Post #54 (isolation #20) » Mon Oct 12, 2015 3:37 am

In post 49, Cheery Dog wrote:How do I stop myself joining silly games?

Join no games.

vonflare · Post Post #55 (isolation #21) » Mon Oct 12, 2015 3:38 am

In post 51, Kublai Khan wrote:
In post 40, vonflare wrote:
In post 38, Kublai Khan wrote:How do I get you to use proper punctuation?

Sentences are funnier without periods at the end

So you can't.

I'm still counting this as a solved problem tho

My problem is you counting that as a solved problem.

Fine, I won't.

But I'm counting this as a solved problem!

vonflare · Post Post #56 (isolation #22) » Mon Oct 12, 2015 3:40 am

In post 53, Espeonage wrote:My new problem is that I hate Peanut Butter.

That problem is beyond my scope of intervention. You see, i don't solve problems like 'I don't like peanut butter', because that would fall under the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. No, I solve practical problems.

vonflare · Post Post #58 (isolation #23) » Mon Oct 12, 2015 4:34 am

In post 57, Espeonage wrote:I have a problem, what do I eat for a snack that fits in with my tastes?

A brick.

vonflare · Post Post #60 (isolation #24) » Mon Oct 12, 2015 4:36 am

In post 59, NicCage wrote:how to ascend into heaven free of all sin

Send me all your money.

vonflare · Post Post #62 (isolation #25) » Mon Oct 12, 2015 4:39 am

In post 61, Espeonage wrote:All my teeth are broken, what do?

Draw teeth on your lips.

vonflare · Post Post #65 (isolation #26) » Mon Oct 12, 2015 10:29 am

In post 64, Glork wrote:It's ok he didn't even a see my question. P sure this guy is a hack.

You only posted one question in this thread, and I answered it...

vonflare · Post Post #67 (isolation #27) » Mon Oct 12, 2015 2:18 pm

In post 66, NicCage wrote:Why does my dog keep having diarrhea

Stop feeding him raisins.

vonflare · Post Post #69 (isolation #28) » Mon Oct 12, 2015 2:58 pm

In post 68, N wrote:why are birds

I don't understand your question.

vonflare · Post Post #73 (isolation #29) » Tue Oct 13, 2015 10:06 am

In post 72, NicCage wrote:
In post 67, vonflare wrote:
In post 66, NicCage wrote:Why does my dog keep having diarrhea

Stop feeding him raisins.

I don't feed him raisins. Should I start so I can stop?

Yea, obviously.

vonflare · Post Post #76 (isolation #30) » Wed Oct 14, 2015 1:35 am

In post 74, saulres wrote:vonflare, how do I get the motivation and time to finish writing, and then run, Meme Mafia IV?

Get dank

vonflare · Post Post #77 (isolation #31) » Wed Oct 14, 2015 1:36 am

In post 75, Glork wrote:
In post 65, vonflare wrote:
In post 64, Glork wrote:It's ok he didn't even a see my question. P sure this guy is a hack.

You only posted one question in this thread, and I wrote some stupid ass bullshit because I'm bad at this game...

FTFY

YOU THINK THIS IS SOME SORT OF GAME?

IM CHANGING LIVES HERE

vonflare · Post Post #81 (isolation #32) » Wed Oct 14, 2015 4:36 pm

vonflare · Post Post #84 (isolation #33) » Wed Oct 14, 2015 5:21 pm

minus points are still points

vonflare · Post Post #87 (isolation #34) » Fri Oct 16, 2015 1:49 am

In post 86, saulres wrote:

+1337