Graveyard Shift Mafia - ROLL CREDITS

The Critic · Post Post #0 (isolation #0) » Tue Apr 01, 2014 2:10 pm

22 men and women, most of whom grew up in a life of privilege, never having had to worry about money, do manual labor, or even think too hard about their fellow man, have been thrown into the newest hit reality TV show: The Graveyard Shift.

They will work in a factory, performing redundant menial tasks and physical labor. The ones that makes it to the end of the show will receive even more money!

But there's a twist - not all of these folks are actually players. Some of them are the real administration of the plant, and they want to get as many of these useless, lazy, rich folk off their factory floor. Will the workers be able to fire the admins before the admins can take the plant back over?

Will your favorite white collar worker come away with extra cash they don't need? Or will they drop out early? Find out on Graveyard Shift, the latest hit from QuadPod Productions!

Spoiler: Current Day Shift

Spoiler: Current Night Shift

Spoiler: Eliminated

Logical Duality,
Thomas Baker, the Office Flirt Who Gets Too Attached Too Quickly And Really Just Wants to Settle Down With Someone Nice Also He’s Bisexual (
Same Shift 1-shot Cop
)
, Fired Episode 1
zoraster,
Rebecca Berrie, the Assistant Manager Who Has Hobbies That Interfere With Her Work (
Mafia Goon
)
, Kicked Off The Show Episode 1
AGar,
Crystal DeBoers, the 20-something Young Woman Whose Empty Life is Filled By Cats and Home Decorating This Sure Isn’t the Life She Was Promised But at Least She Can Meet a Nice Man at a Bar Maybe but They Only Have Two Nights a Week for Dates (
Vanilla Townie
)
, Let Go Episode 2
BirdAndBeast,
Marcus Pesci, An Antisocial Loner Whose Primary Social Outlet is a Forum Game Which He Uses To Take Out His Impotent Rage at Himself for Never Making His Parents Proud (
Vanilla Townie
)
, Kicked Off The Show Episode 2
Serene2,
James Tomlinson, the Incompetent Assistant Manager Who’s In Way Over His Head (
Mafia Goon
)
, Kicked Off The Show Episode 3
BROseidon,
Henry Donahue, the Retiree (
Public Ascetic Deathproof Innocent Child With An Expiration Date
)
, Retired Episode 3
Venmar,
Mary Walker, the Super Religious Intern Who’s Questioning Her Religion Lately Because She’s Never Been Allowed to Talk to Boys Before and Is Feeling Feelings She Can’t Explain (
Vanilla Townie
)
, Fired Episode 4
goodmorning
iamausername
,
Francine Caine, the Office Mom Who Works Two Jobs Not Because She Needs the Money but Because She Needs to Feel Useful Because of Her Empty Nest Syndrome (
Same Shift Mass Donut Vendor
)
, Kicked Off The Show Episode 4
xRECKONERx,
Cecily Green, the Boss Who Is Good At Her Job and Well-Liked by Her Employees But Just Can’t Seem To Kick That Cocaine Habit (
Neighbor / 1-shot Shift Manipulator
)
, Fired Episode 5
Dry-fit,
Kristof Jenner, the Office’s Token Gay Man Who Reads Straight to All Gay Men (
Vanilla Townie
)
, Let Go Episode 5
Brian Skies,
Jared Green, the Boss’s Son Who Dropped Out of School To Be In a Band But Then the Band Failed Probably Because No One Wants to Listen to Gangsta Metal Reggae (
3-shot Same Shift Dayvig
)
, Fired Episode 6
Aronis,
Horatio Perez, the Human Resources Director Who Believes That Affirmative Action Is a Bad Thing Despite Being The Son of a Cuban Immigrant (
Mafia Opposite Shift Rolecop
)
, Kicked Off The Show Episode 6
PeregrineV,
Demetri LeGuin, the IT Guy Who Monitors Your Internet Usage Not Because He’s a Creep But Because He Seeks Connectedness With Other People But His Neckbeard and Fedora Prevent Him From Establishing Real Relationships(
Town Opposite Shift Tracker
)
, Fired Episode 7
MrZepher,
Curt Young, The Guy Who Lives Vicariously Through High School Athletes Because The Apex of His Life is A Yellow Stain on the Back of a Prom Dress That’s Gathering Dust in an Attic Somewhere (
Vanilla Townie
)
, Kicked Off The Show Episode 7
ika,
Cynthia Allen, the Lady Who Does Yoga On Lunch Breaks Because She Hopes That It Can Eventually Cleanse Out the Shame She Feels For Living a Safe and Meaningless Life and Never Taking the Risks She Always Promised Herself She Would Take After She Watched Her Mother Fade Away From Breast Cancer (
Vanilla Townie
)
,Fired Episode 8

RULES:

General:

The Site Rules apply.
I reserve the right to alter these rules if I deem it necessary, including retroactively enforcing new/altered rules.
Use
bold text
to communicate with us in thread, or you may send us a PM.
Bolded purple is my color. Do not use it.
All roles have been given out by Random.org.
You may not quote directly from any communications that are not the game thread. This includes PMs, QT's, and Private Topics.

Voting/Lynching:

Voting will be done either using the VOTE: tag, or in this format:
vote: Nixon
.
There will be no voting trickery. If something appears to be a vote for a specific player, we will treat it as such.
A lynch will occur when half-plus-one of living players are voting for the same player. As soon as the hammer vote is cast, the game will enter Twilight.
Players may vote for No Lynch. A No Lynch will be hammered at half of living players, not half-plus-one.
All living players (including the lynchee) may talk in Twilight, but any voting/unvoting will not count. Twilight will last until we post the final vote count / scene.
Roles will be revealed upon removal from the game, for any reason.
After you are lynched or killed, you are allowed a single ‘bah’ post at the beginning of the next Day Phase. This may not contain any game-related content.
If there is no majority at deadline, a no-lynch will occur.

Activity:

Prods will be given if a player does not post for the entirety of their shift.
If a player does not post in the shift immediately following the receipt of their prod, they will be force-replaced.
We reserve the right to replace anyone who has been V/LA for too long.

Don’t Be Stupid:

Play to your win condition.
Don’t use hidden or encrypted text. You may use small text, unless it is hiding game-related or important information.
Do not excessively insult your fellow players. Insult the play, not the person.
Have fun. No, really. Have fun.

Game-Specific Mechanics and Rules

Time in this game is measured in two ways - Episodes and Shifts. Episodes are equivalent to a standard “Day Phase.” There are two different shifts in the game - Day Shifts and Night Shifts.

Any player allowed to talk out-of-thread (Mafia, masons, etc.) has the ability to do so at all times, including during Commerical Breaks.

Shift Rules:

Each Shift is 2 real-life days long.
Each player will be assigned to either the Day Shift or the Night Shift. Shifts may or may not change once every 8 Shifts (4 Day Shifts and 4 Night Shifts). A player may only post during his/her shift.
Actions can only be taken during your Shift, unless otherwise stated. This does not apply to factional actions.
Actions resolve immediately, unless otherwise stated.
The Mafia determines all Shifts after the first Shift, which will be determined randomly. They must submit the new Shift Distribution at least 1 Shift prior to the actual Shift Switch (by the end of Shift A.7, for example) or the shift will not change, unless changes must be made to accommodate other Shift rules. Said changes will be made randomly.
There will always be at least 1 Mafia member per Shift, at the beginning of each Shift.
There will never be a Town minority in each Shift, at the beginning of each Shift.
Shifts will always be the same size, or as close as possible (when there is an odd number of players alive).
Shifts will be referred to in the following format - [Letter].[Number] (Day/Night). For example, the first shift of the game will be Shift A.1 (Day).
If the mods fail to post a Shift change at deadline, continue playing in the same Shift until a post stating the change is made.

Episode Rules:

Each Episode is a maximum of 8 Shifts long, and ends upon a successful lynch being reached. Episodes ending early do
not
alter when Shifts switch.
There will be a 24-hour Commercial Break between each Episode. (This does not count as part of a Shift.) Nothing happens during this time.
Episodes will be numbered like Day Phases (i.e., Episode 1, Episode 2, etc.)
The Mafia gets 1 kill per Episode.
The Votecount encapsulates the entire playerlist. You may vote for a player in any shift.
A playerslot being removed from the game for any reason (killed/lynched/modkilled) will not reset the votecount. Additionally, if the lynch threshold changing due to removal of a player would cause a player to be lynched, that player will require an additional vote to be lynched. (Basically, someone else being killed cannot force a lynch that was previously at L-1.)

Wincons:

This game uses the White Flag mechanic. Town wins when there is 1 member of the mafia left.

This is a sample VT PM.

Spoiler: Sample PM

The Critic · Post Post #1 (isolation #1) » Tue Apr 01, 2014 2:52 pm

Role PMs are going out now.

The Critic · Post Post #2 (isolation #2) » Wed Apr 02, 2014 3:19 am

(A lizard looking man walks to the front of the conference room)

Lizard: Nice to see everyone here. My assistant tells me that you've all signed your release forms, so now we'll be able to move forward.

(the men and women around the room shift uneasily)

Lizard: We've posted the list of who is on what shift to the bulletin board in the conference room. You'll need to show up no less than an hour before your shift starts. Hair and makeup takes longer than you'd think. Those of you who have done a show before will understand.

Harry: Hey! Let 'em know about me.

Lizard: Ah... yes.... As some of you know, one of the real employees here is a few days from retirement.

Harry: Counting the days, son!

Lizard: So he will of course be off limits.

(Harry pulls a fruity drink seemingly from nowhere and starts slurping it noisily)

Lizard: So the rules

(slurp)

Lizard: The rules of the

(slurp)

Lizard: You can find out what to do

(slurp)

Lizard: OH FUCK IT

(Lizard storms out of the room)

Silence

(slurp)

BROseidon is

Henry Donahue, the Retiree (

Public Ascetic Deathproof Innocent Child With An Expiration Date

)

. He is town. He cannot be lynched, killed, or targeted by any actions. He will automatically leave the game at the end of Shift B.8.

The Critic · Post Post #3 (isolation #3) » Wed Apr 02, 2014 3:23 am

It is currently a Day Shift.

~Jordan’
AGar
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Venmar
Zdenek

Episode 1, Shift A.1 (Day), VC 1Not Voting (22): Aronis, Mr. Zepher, xRECKONERx, AGar, Bird and Beast, infinite jesters, Logical Duality, BROSeidon, hiplop, Brian Skies, iamausername, PeregrineV, ika, FourteenPointFive, zoraster, The Goat, Serene2, Svenskt Stål, ~Jordan`, Zdenek, Venmar, Dry-fit
With 22 alive, it is 12 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-04 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #19 (isolation #4) » Wed Apr 02, 2014 5:58 am

In post 14, Infinite Jesters wrote:
@ mods: can we only vote the people on our shift or is it global?

In post 15, Infinite Jesters wrote:
@ mod: also what does B8 mean?

As it says in the rules you were supposed to have read:

The Votecount encapsulates the entire playerlist. You may vote for a player in any shift.

Shifts will be referred to in the following format - [Letter].[Number] (Day/Night). For example, the first shift of the game will be Shift A.1 (Day).

The Critic · Post Post #201 (isolation #5) » Thu Apr 03, 2014 1:39 am

It is currently a Day Shift.

~Jordan’
AGar
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Venmar
Zdenek

Episode 1, Shift A.1 (Day), VC 2~Jordan' (3) - AGar, MrZepher, Brian Skies
AGar (3) - Bird and Beast, Infinite Jesters, Venmar
Bird and Beast (1) - Zdenek
Serene2 (1) - ~Jordan`
Venmar (1) - Svenskt Stål

Not Voting (14): Aronis, xRECKONERx, The Goat,Logical Duality, BROSeidon, hiplop, iamausername, PeregrineV, ika, FourteenPointFive, zoraster, Serene2, Dry-fit
With 22 alive, it is 12 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-04 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #204 (isolation #6) » Thu Apr 03, 2014 2:52 am

Since this is the first shift and it's a weird setup we're not going to make a huge deal about it, but The Goat is not on this shift and therefore shouldn't be posting right now. His votes, obviously, are being taken off the VC.

The Critic · Post Post #330 (isolation #7) » Thu Apr 03, 2014 5:20 pm

It is currently a Day Shift.

~Jordan’
AGar
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Venmar
Zdenek

Episode 1, Shift A.1 (Day), VC 3~Jordan' (3) - AGar, MrZepher, Brian Skies
AGar (3) - Bird and Beast, Infinite Jesters, Venmar
Bird and Beast (2) - Zdenek, Serene2
Serene2 (2) - ~Jordan`, ika
ika (1) - Svenskt Stål

Not Voting (14): Aronis, xRECKONERx, The Goat,Logical Duality, BROSeidon, hiplop, iamausername, PeregrineV, FourteenPointFive, zoraster, Dry-fit
With 22 alive, it is 12 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-04 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

Pirate Mollie is V/LA until 4/7.

The Critic · Post Post #402 (isolation #8) » Fri Apr 04, 2014 4:06 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Bry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
iamausername
Logical Duality
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
zoraster

Episode 1, Shift A.2 (Night), VC 1~Jordan' (4) - AGar, MrZepher, Brian Skies, Serene2
AGar (3) - Bird and Beast, Infinite Jesters, Venmar
Serene2 (3) - ~Jordan`, ika, Svenskt Stål
Bird and Beast (1) - Zdenek

Not Voting (14): Aronis, xRECKONERx, The Goat,Logical Duality, BROSeidon, hiplop, iamausername, PeregrineV, FourteenPointFive, zoraster, Dry-fit
With 22 alive, it is 12 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-06 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

Pirate Mollie is V/LA until 4/7.

The Critic · Post Post #424 (isolation #9) » Sat Apr 05, 2014 6:05 am

Note that there has been a slight change to the rules. The rule previously read:

There will always be a Town majority in each Shift, at the beginning of each Shift.

It now reads:

There will never be a Town minority in each Shift, at the beginning of each Shift.

The Critic · Post Post #425 (isolation #10) » Sat Apr 05, 2014 6:09 am

It is currently a Night Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Bry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
iamausername
Logical Duality
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
zoraster

Episode 1, Shift A.2 (Night), VC 2~Jordan' (4) - AGar, MrZepher, Brian Skies, Serene2
Bird and Beast (4) - Zdenek, FourteenPointFive, The Goat, Logical Duality
AGar (3) - Bird and Beast, Infinite Jesters, Venmar
Serene2 (3) - ~Jordan`, ika, Svenskt Stål
MrZepher (1) - Dry-fit
Logical Duality (2) - Aronis, zoraster

Not Voting (5): xRECKONERx, BROSeidon, hiplop, iamausername, PeregrineV
With 22 alive, it is 12 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-06 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

Pirate Mollie is V/LA until 4/7.

The Critic · Post Post #459 (isolation #11) » Sun Apr 06, 2014 6:11 am

It is currently a Night Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Bry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
iamausername
Logical Duality
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
zoraster

Episode 1, Shift A.2 (Night), VC 3~Jordan' (4) - AGar, MrZepher, Brian Skies, Serene2
Bird and Beast (4) - Zdenek, FourteenPointFive, The Goat, Logical Duality
Logical Duality (4) - Aronis, zoraster, BROSeidon, xRECKONERx
AGar (3) - Bird and Beast, Infinite Jesters, Venmar
Serene2 (3) - ~Jordan`, ika, Svenskt Stål
MrZepher (1) - Dry-fit
Aronis (1) - iamausername

Not Voting (2): hiplop, PeregrineV
With 22 alive, it is 12 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-06 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

Pirate Mollie is V/LA until 4/7.

The Critic · Post Post #486 (isolation #12) » Sun Apr 06, 2014 4:00 pm

It is currently a Day Shift.

~Jordan’
AGar
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Venmar
Zdenek

Episode 1, Shift A.3 (Day), VC 1~Jordan' (4) - AGar, MrZepher, Brian Skies, Serene2
Bird and Beast (3) - Zdenek, FourteenPointFive, The Goat
Logical Duality (3) - zoraster, BROSeidon, xRECKONERx
AGar (3) - Bird and Beast, Infinite Jesters, Venmar
Serene2 (3) - ~Jordan`, ika, Svenskt Stål
Aronis (2) - iamausername, Dry-fit
xRECKONERx (1) - Aronis
zoraster (1) - Logical Duality

Not Voting (2): hiplop, PeregrineV
With 22 alive, it is 12 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-08 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

Pirate Mollie is V/LA until 4/7.

The Critic · Post Post #493 (isolation #13) » Sun Apr 06, 2014 5:37 pm

The previous VC has been fixed.

The Critic · Post Post #616 (isolation #14) » Tue Apr 08, 2014 2:29 am

It is currently a Day Shift.

~Jordan’
AGar
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Venmar
Zdenek

Episode 1, Shift A.3 (Day), VC 2Logical Duality (5) - zoraster, BROSeidon, xRECKONERx, ika, AGar
Bird and Beast (3) - FourteenPointFive, The Goat, MrZepher
AGar (3) - Bird and Beast, Infinite Jesters, Venmar
~Jordan' (2) - Brian Skies, Serene2
Serene2 (2) - ~Jordan`, Svenskt Stål
Aronis (2) - iamausername, Dry-fit
zoraster (2) - Logical Duality, Zdenek
xRECKONERx (1) - Aronis

Not Voting (2): hiplop, PeregrineV
With 22 alive, it is 12 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-08 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #808 (isolation #15) » Tue Apr 08, 2014 4:55 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
iamausername
Logical Duality
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
zoraster

Episode 1, Shift A.4 (Night), VC 1Logical Duality (5) - zoraster, BROSeidon, xRECKONERx, ika, AGar
Serene2 (4) - ~Jordan`, Infinite Jesters, Bird and Beast, Brian Skies
Aronis (2) - iamausername, Dry-fit
zoraster (2) - Logical Duality, Zdenek
Bird and Beast (2) - FourteenPointFive, The Goat
AGar (1) - Venmar
xRECKONERx (1) - Aronis
MrZepher (1) - Svenskt Stål
Infinite Jesters (1) - Serene2

Not Voting (3): hiplop, PeregrineV, MrZepher
With 22 alive, it is 12 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-10 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #822 (isolation #16) » Wed Apr 09, 2014 2:04 am

Logical Duality has been fired.

They were

Thomas Baker, the Office Flirt Who Gets Too Attached Too Quickly And Really Just Wants to Settle Down With Someone Nice Also He’s Bisexual (Same Shift 1-shot Cop)

.

It is currently a Night Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
iamausername
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
zoraster

Episode 1, Shift A.4 (Night), VC 2Serene2 (4) - ~Jordan`, Infinite Jesters, Bird and Beast, Brian Skies
zoraster (3) - Zdenek, Aronis, xRECKONERx
Aronis (2) - iamausername, Dry-fit
Bird and Beast (2) - FourteenPointFive, The Goat
AGar (1) - Venmar
MrZepher (1) - Svenskt Stål
Infinite Jesters (1) - Serene2

Not Voting (7): hiplop, PeregrineV, MrZepher, zoraster, BROSeidon, ika, AGar
With 21 alive, it is 11 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-10 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #823 (isolation #17) » Wed Apr 09, 2014 2:12 am

There has been a rule change. The rule previously read:

A playerslot being removed from the game for any reason (killed/lynched/modkilled) will reset the votecount.

It now reads:

A playerslot being removed from the game for any reason (killed/lynched/modkilled) will not reset the votecount. Additionally, if the lynch threshold changing due to removal of a player would cause a player to be lynched, that player will require an additional vote to be lynched. (Basically, someone else being killed cannot force a lynch that was previously at L-1.)

The Critic · Post Post #882 (isolation #18) » Thu Apr 10, 2014 1:50 am

It is currently a Night Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
iamausername
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
zoraster

Episode 1, Shift A.4 (Night), VC 3zoraster (5) - Zdenek, Aronis, xRECKONERx, PeregrineV, hiplop
Serene2 (4) - ~Jordan`, Infinite Jesters, Bird and Beast, Brian Skies
Aronis (2) - iamausername, Dry-fit
Bird and Beast (2) - FourteenPointFive, The Goat
AGar (1) - Venmar
MrZepher (1) - Svenskt Stål
Infinite Jesters (1) - Serene2

Not Voting (5): MrZepher, zoraster, BROSeidon, ika, AGar
With 21 alive, it is 11 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-10 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #909 (isolation #19) » Thu Apr 10, 2014 4:02 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

~Jordan’
AGar
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Venmar
Zdenek

Episode 1, Shift A.5 (Day), VC 1zoraster (5) - Zdenek, Aronis, xRECKONERx, PeregrineV, hiplop
Serene2 (4) - ~Jordan`, Infinite Jesters, Bird and Beast, Brian Skies
Aronis (2) - iamausername, Dry-fit
Bird and Beast (2) - FourteenPointFive, The Goat
AGar (1) - Venmar
MrZepher (1) - Svenskt Stål
Infinite Jesters (1) - Serene2

Not Voting (5): MrZepher, zoraster, BROSeidon, ika, AGar
With 21 alive, it is 11 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-10 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #1111 (isolation #20) » Fri Apr 11, 2014 2:37 pm

In post 1096, ika wrote:are cops sanities known to be sane? if not will they be revealed on flip?

if a cop flips, they will flip with their sanity revealed

The Critic · Post Post #1114 (isolation #21) » Fri Apr 11, 2014 3:03 pm

Ah, that should have read "if a non-sane cop flips..."

my b

The Critic · Post Post #1115 (isolation #22) » Fri Apr 11, 2014 3:10 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

~Jordan’
AGar
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Venmar
Zdenek

Episode 1, Shift A.5 (Day), VC 1

zoraster (10) - Zdenek, Aronis, xRECKONERx, PeregrineV, hiplop, ika, AGar, BirdAndBeast, Infinite Jesters, Venmar L-1

Bird and Beast (3) - FourteenPointFive, The Goat, Serene2
Aronis (2) - iamausername, Dry-fit
Serene2 (1) - ~Jordan`
MrZepher (1) - Svenskt Stål

Not Voting (4): MrZepher, zoraster, BROSeidon, Brian Skies
With 21 alive, it is 11 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-12 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #1173 (isolation #23) » Sat Apr 12, 2014 4:16 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
iamausername
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
zoraster

Episode 1, Shift A.6 (Night), VC 1zoraster (9) - Zdenek, Aronis, xRECKONERx, PeregrineV, hiplop, ika, BirdAndBeast, Infinite Jesters, Venmar
Bird and Beast (4) - FourteenPointFive, The Goat
Aronis (2) - iamausername, Dry-fit
Serene2 (1) - ~Jordan`
MrZepher (1) - Svenskt Stål

Not Voting (6): MrZepher, zoraster, BROSeidon, Brian Skies, AGar, Serene2
With 21 alive, it is 11 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-14 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

Searching for a replacement for ~Jordan'.

The Critic · Post Post #1186 (isolation #24) » Sun Apr 13, 2014 1:17 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
iamausername
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
zoraster

Episode 1, Shift A.6 (Night), VC 2

zoraster (11) - Zdenek, Aronis, xRECKONERx, PeregrineV, hiplop, ika, BirdAndBeast, Infinite Jesters, Venmar, The Goat, zoraster

Bird and Beast (1) - FourteenPointFive
Aronis (2) - iamausername, Dry-fit
Serene2 (1) - ~Jordan`
MrZepher (1) - Svenskt Stål

Not Voting (5): MrZepher, BROSeidon, Brian Skies, AGar, Serene2
With 21 alive, it is 11 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-14 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-04-18 23:00:00).

Searching for a replacement for ~Jordan'.

(The Retiree is twirling the umbrella from his fruity drink while reclining in a chair)

Rebecca: Why aren't you working!?

Retiree: Piss off.

Rebecca: I asked you three days ago to do the presentation for the Haims account. How's that coming?

Retiree: About as well as your husband.

Rebecca: INAPPROPRIATE.

Retiree: You're really harshing my mellow right now, dear.

Rebecca: Okay that being said YOU NEED TO DO THIS REPORT!

Retiree: Make me.

Rebecca: I'll get the bosses to fire you! You won't get the retirement package!

Retiree: I'll tell them about your meth habit.

Rebecca: ...what meth habit?

Retiree: Come on Becky, we know you ride the blue horse.

Rebecca: Okay first of all it's only blue on Breaking Bad.

Retiree: So you know a lot about meth?

Rebecca: NO I DON'T AND YOU CAN'T PROVE IT.

Retiree: We'll see, honey.

Rebecca: WE WILL INDEED!

(Rebecca storms off. The Retiree picks up the phone on his desk)

Retiree: Hey Mr Producer. Is drug use still not okay with your network? Because I have quite the news for you....

zoraster,

Rebecca Berrie, the Assistant Manager Who Has Hobbies That Interfere With Her Work (

Mafia Goon

)

, kicked off the show Shift A.6

There will be a 24 hour break until the next episode.

The Critic · Post Post #1187 (isolation #25) » Mon Apr 14, 2014 3:31 pm

And now a word from our sponsors!

(Some light jazz music over a black screen. Fade into an average American kitchen. A man in a black suit walks into frame.)

MAN. Hey there TV land. My name is Core P. Tool, and I'm a corporate tool from Minty Mints, the minty freshest company in the minty fresh US of A.

(A woman in a red and white checkered dress walks into frame wearing American flags in her hair.)

MAN. This is my wife, Fanny Datass Tool, with whom I am having a wholesome heterosexual relationship. Just like we always do in America and I don't care what anyone says about fags and biological imperatives.

WOMAN. Tee hee! What's a biological?

MAN. Hush now Fanny; men are talking.

(He pats her on the butt)

MAN. Now run off and do the heterosexual cooking. Just as our God Ronald Reagan intended. (aside) She's 1/69th Cherokee. Minty Mints is a diverse company.

WOMAN. Maybe later you can pump that baby into me like you promised!

MAN. Ha ha now Fanny we talked about Standards and Practices.

WOMAN. I'm just a simple housewife I don't know what a standard or a practice is.

MAN. Isn't your pie burning?

WOMAN. No dear, the doctor said that'd be a week and it's been-

MAN. NOT WHAT I MEANT anyway TV land we really should get back on topic: our newest minty flavor that will be ham handedly featured in the television program that you're watching: Peppermerica Mint. It's the mint that tastes like freedom.

WOMAN. It's true! I read it in the bible!

MAN. Indeed you did, Fanny. Anyway America, this is the mint that you're all required by law to buy. Consume. Don't ask questions. Fanny?

(Fanny removes her dress and reveals red white and blue tassles on her nipples. She begins twirling them.)

MAN. Whoring out your woman is fine with God as long as it's in the service of your corporate masters. Don't forget, America, CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME.

(Fanny begins deep throating a red white and blue popsicle.)

WOMAN. If there's one thing I love, it's the taste of freedom.

MAN. Indeed you do! Stay tuned for the next episode, America. And if you don't mind, I'm going to go have sex with my wife.

(Pause.)

MAN. America.

(Black out.)

The Critic · Post Post #1188 (isolation #26) » Tue Apr 15, 2014 3:59 am

(A group of men and women are standing around a craft services area)

BEST BOY. It's a shame about Thomas.

GAFFER. He's gone?

BEST BOY. How did you not know?

GAFFER. I had to take my dog to therapy yesterday.

BEST BOY. Your dog goes to therapy?

GAFFER. He's a shelter dog. Lots of issues.

BEST BOY. Yeah but it's a dog.

GAFFER. He's a dog, and he has a name.

BEST BOY. I really don't care.

GAFFER. His name is Lieutenant Scruffy.

BEST BOY. How can you afford that?

GAFFER. My cocaine budget has been severely reduced.

BEST BOY. You must really love that dog.

GAFFER. Lieutenant Scruffy.

BEST BOY. Anyway yeah. Thomas got the business end of an inappropriate workplace conduct violation.

GAFFER. If there was a movie about that guy's life it'd be called A Dick Too Far.

BEST BOY. Why does it have to be a war movie?

GAFFER. Because he spends a lot of his time cleaning guns.

BEST BOY. Har!

GAFFER. Anyway, our break is about up. Should probably get in there.

BEST BOY. Hey would you like a mint?

GAFFER. Not really.

BEST BOY. Are you sure? They taste like freedom.

GAFFER. Um.

BEST BOY. But actually we're required to have these on set or we'll get fired. Try to leave a tin in the shot if you can.

GAFFER. Why decided that?

BEST BOY. The producer. Something about sponsorship and corporate fascism. Anyway do it or you'll get fired.

GAFFER. What, are you going to tell on me?

BEST BOY. We are minty mints. We are legion.

GAFFER. ... so I'm gonna go.

BEST BOY. Don't forget your mints!

It is now a Day Shift.

~Jordan’
AGar
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Venmar
Zdenek

With 20 alive, it is 11 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-17 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-01 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #1250 (isolation #27) » Tue Apr 15, 2014 4:34 pm

It is currently a Day Shift.

~Jordan’
AGar
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Venmar
Zdenek

Episode 2, Shift A.7 (Day), VC 1Dry-fit (2) - Bird and Beast, AGar
Bird and Beast (2) - Serene2, Venmar

Not Voting (16): ~Jordan', Brian Skies, ika, infinte jesters, MrZepher, Svenskt Stal, Zdenek, Aronis, BROseidon, Dry-fit, FourteenPointFive, hiplop, iamausername, PeregrineV, The Goat, xRECKONERx

With 20 alive, it is 11 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-17 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-01 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #1314 (isolation #28) » Thu Apr 17, 2014 2:44 am

It is currently a Day Shift.

~Jordan’
AGar
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Venmar
Zdenek

Episode 2, Shift A.7 (Day), VC 2Bird and Beast (4) - Serene2, Venmar, ika, MrZepher
Dry-fit (2) - Bird and Beast, AGar
ika (1) - infinte jesters
MrZepher (1) - Svenskt Stal

Not Voting (12): ~Jordan', Brian Skies, Zdenek, Aronis, BROseidon, Dry-fit, FourteenPointFive, hiplop, iamausername, PeregrineV, The Goat, xRECKONERx

With 20 alive, it is 11 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-17 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-01 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #1451 (isolation #29) » Thu Apr 17, 2014 4:06 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
iamausername
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx

Episode 2, Shift A.8 (Day), VC 1Bird and Beast (3) - Serene2, Venmar, MrZepher
Dry-fit (2) - Bird and Beast, AGar
Serene2 (2) - ika, infinte jesters
MrZepher (1) - Svenskt Stal

Not Voting (12): ~Jordan', Brian Skies, Zdenek, Aronis, BROseidon, Dry-fit, FourteenPointFive, hiplop, iamausername, PeregrineV, The Goat, xRECKONERx

With 20 alive, it is 11 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-19 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-01 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #1465 (isolation #30) » Sat Apr 19, 2014 3:28 am

It is now a Night Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
iamausername
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx

Episode 2, Shift A.8 (Night), VC 2Bird and Beast (4) - Serene2, Venmar, MrZepher, hiplop
Serene2 (3) - ika, infinte jesters, xRECKONERx
Dry-fit (2) - Bird and Beast, AGar
MrZepher (1) - Svenskt Stal
AGar (1) - Dry-fit

Not Voting (9): ~Jordan', Brian Skies, Zdenek, Aronis, BROseidon, FourteenPointFive, iamausername, PeregrineV, The Goat

With 20 alive, it is 11 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-19 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-01 23:00:00).

iamausername has received a (much-overdue) prod.

The Critic · Post Post #1473 (isolation #31) » Sat Apr 19, 2014 4:32 pm

There is a new Shift Distribution.

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
iamausername
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
Venmar

Episode 2, Shift B.1 (Day), VC 1Bird and Beast (4) - Serene2, Venmar, MrZepher, hiplop
Serene2 (3) - ika, infinte jesters, xRECKONERx
Dry-fit (2) - Bird and Beast, AGar
MrZepher (1) - Svenskt Stal
AGar (1) - Dry-fit
Venmar (1) - BROseidon

Not Voting (8): ~Jordan', Brian Skies, Zdenek, Aronis, FourteenPointFive, iamausername, PeregrineV, The Goat

With 20 alive, it is 11 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-21 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-01 23:00:00).

PeregrineV is V/LA until 5/21.
iamausername must post during his next shift (this one) or he will be force-replaced.

The Critic · Post Post #1474 (isolation #32) » Sat Apr 19, 2014 4:33 pm

Still searching for a replacement for ~jordan'. Tell your friends.

The Critic · Post Post #1548 (isolation #33) » Mon Apr 21, 2014 4:27 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
AGar
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 2, Shift B.2 (Night), VC 2Bird and Beast (3) - Serene2, Venmar, MrZepher
Serene2 (3) - ika, infinte jesters, xRECKONERx
Venmar (3) - BROseidon, Aronis, Svenskt Stal
Dry-fit (2) - Bird and Beast, AGar
AGar (1) - Dry-fit
PeregrineV (1) - FourteenPointFive

Not Voting (7): ~Jordan', Brian Skies, Zdenek, iamausername, PeregrineV, The Goat, hiplop

With 20 alive, it is 11 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-23 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-01 23:00:00).

Searching for a replacement for ~jordan' and iamausername.

The Goat has been prodded.

The Critic · Post Post #1597 (isolation #34) » Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:55 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
AGar
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 2, Shift B.2 (Night), VC 3Venmar (4) - BROseidon, Aronis, Svenskt Stal, Serene2
Serene2 (3) - ika, infinte jesters, xRECKONERx
Dry-fit (2) - Bird and Beast, AGar
FourteenPointFive (2) - Zdenek, MrZepher
Bird and Beast (1) - Venmar
AGar (1) - Dry-fit
PeregrineV (1) - FourteenPointFive

Not Voting (6): ~Jordan', Brian Skies, iamausername, PeregrineV, The Goat, hiplop

With 20 alive, it is 11 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-23 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-01 23:00:00).

Searching for a replacement for ~jordan' and iamausername.

The Critic · Wed Apr 23, 2014 12:26 pm

AGar has been let go.

He was

Crystal DeBoers, the 20-something Young Woman Whose Empty Life is Filled By Cats and Home Decorating This Sure Isn’t the Life She Was Promised But at Least She Can Meet a Nice Man at a Bar Maybe but They Only Have Two Nights a Week for Dates (Vanilla Townie)

.

It is currently a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 2, Shift B.2 (Night), VC 4Venmar (3) - BROseidon, Aronis, Svenskt Stal
Serene2 (3) - ika, xRECKONERx, Serene2
FourteenPointFive (2) - Zdenek, MrZepher
hiplop (2) - Bird and Beast, infinte jesters
Bird and Beast (1) - Venmar
PeregrineV (1) - FourteenPointFive

Not Voting (7): ~Jordan', Brian Skies, iamausername, PeregrineV, The Goat, hiplop, Dry-fit

With 19 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-23 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-01 23:00:00).

Searching for a replacement for ~jordan' and iamausername.

The Critic · Post Post #1695 (isolation #36) » Wed Apr 23, 2014 3:48 pm

In post 1663, Infinite Jesters wrote:
@ mods - how does a lyncher work in white flag?

No differently than in any other game? A lyncher would not count as a member of the mafia team, which is the only place the White Flag condition matters. That is, if there were 1 mafia and 1 lyncher left, the game would end in a town win at that point.

Additionally, the previous votecount has been altered to reflect the appropriate number of players / votes to lynch, and AGar has been removed from the list of players in the shift. The failure to do so in the first place was an oversight.

The Critic · Post Post #1699 (isolation #37) » Wed Apr 23, 2014 4:07 pm

In post 1698, Brian Skies wrote:@Mods: Does the existence of a third party role count towards the requirement of there being at least one mafia member at the beginning of each shift (or whatever the rule states)?

A third party role would not apply to the # of mafia in a shift rule.

The Critic · Post Post #1702 (isolation #38) » Thu Apr 24, 2014 1:05 am

Due to the mods not posting a shift swap / votecount on time last night, the deadline for this shift and this episode have been extended.

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
iamausername
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
Venmar

Episode 2, Shift B.3 (Day), VC 1hiplop (4) - Bird and Beast, infinte jesters, Brian Skies, ika
Venmar (3) - BROseidon, Aronis, Svenskt Stal
FourteenPointFive (2) - Zdenek, MrZepher
Serene2 (1) - xRECKONERx
Bird and Beast (1) - Venmar
PeregrineV (1) - FourteenPointFive
MrZepher (1) - Serene2

Not Voting (6): ~Jordan', iamausername, PeregrineV, The Goat, hiplop, Dry-fit

With 19 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-26 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-02 23:00:00).

Searching for a replacement for ~jordan' and iamausername.

The Critic · Post Post #1742 (isolation #39) » Fri Apr 25, 2014 4:40 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
iamausername
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
Venmar

Episode 2, Shift B.3 (Day), VC 2hiplop (4) - Bird and Beast, infinte jesters, Brian Skies, ika
Venmar (2) - Aronis, Svenskt Stal
FourteenPointFive (2) - Zdenek, MrZepher
Zdenek (2) - BROseidon, Dry-fit
Bird and Beast (2) - Venmar, hiplop
Serene2 (1) - xRECKONERx
PeregrineV (1) - FourteenPointFive
MrZepher (1) - Serene2
The Goat (1) - PeregrineV

Not Voting (3): ~Jordan', iamausername, The Goat

With 19 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-26 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-02 23:00:00).

Searching for a replacement for ~jordan' and iamausername.

The Critic · Post Post #1754 (isolation #40) » Sun Apr 27, 2014 4:48 am

Once again, deadline for Shift and Episode have been extended due to mod failure to post a shift swap at the appropriate time. Apologies.

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 2, Shift B.4 (Night), VC 1hiplop (4) - Bird and Beast, infinte jesters, Brian Skies, ika
xRECKONERx (2) - Zdenek, Svenskt Stal
Zdenek (2) - BROseidon, Dry-fit
Bird and Beast (2) - Venmar, hiplop
Venmar (1) - Aronis
FourteenPointFive (1) - MrZepher
Serene2 (1) - xRECKONERx
PeregrineV (1) - FourteenPointFive
MrZepher (1) - Serene2
The Goat (1) - PeregrineV

Not Voting (3): ~Jordan', iamausername, The Goat

With 19 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-29 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-03 23:00:00).

Searching for a replacement for ~jordan' and iamausername.

The Critic · Post Post #1815 (isolation #41) » Sun Apr 27, 2014 4:40 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 2, Shift B.4 (Night), VC 1Zdenek (4) - BROseidon, Dry-fit, ika, Serene2
hiplop (2) - Bird and Beast, Brian Skies
xRECKONERx (2) - Zdenek, Svenskt Stal
Bird and Beast (2) - Venmar, hiplop
Venmar (1) - Aronis
FourteenPointFive (1) - MrZepher
Serene2 (1) - xRECKONERx
PeregrineV (1) - FourteenPointFive
The Goat (1) - PeregrineV
MrZepher (1) - Infinite Jesters

Not Voting (3): ~Jordan', goodmorning, The Goat

With 19 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-29 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-03 23:00:00).

goodmorning replaces iamausername

The Critic · Post Post #1839 (isolation #42) » Mon Apr 28, 2014 4:03 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 2, Shift B.4 (Night), VC 2Zdenek (4) - BROseidon, Dry-fit, ika, Serene2
hiplop (2) - Bird and Beast, Brian Skies
Bird and Beast (2) - Venmar, hiplop
Serene2 (2) - xRECKONERx, ~Jordan'
ika (2) - Zdenek, Infinite Jesters
xRECKONERx (1) - Svenskt Stal
Venmar (1) - Aronis
FourteenPointFive (1) - MrZepher
PeregrineV (1) - FourteenPointFive
The Goat (1) - PeregrineV

Not Voting (2): goodmorning, The Goat

With 19 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-04-29 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-03 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #1878 (isolation #43) » Tue Apr 29, 2014 4:22 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
goodmorning
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
Venmar

Episode 2, Shift B.5 (Day), VC 1Zdenek (4) - BROseidon, Dry-fit, ika, Bird and Beast
Bird and Beast (3) - Venmar, hiplop, Zdenek
Serene2 (2) - xRECKONERx, ~Jordan'
hiplop (1) - Brian Skies
ika (1) - Infinite Jesters
xRECKONERx (1) - Svenskt Stal
Venmar (1) - Aronis
FourteenPointFive (1) - MrZepher
PeregrineV (1) - FourteenPointFive
The Goat (1) - PeregrineV

Not Voting (3): goodmorning, The Goat, Serene2

With 19 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-01 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-03 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #1884 (isolation #44) » Wed Apr 30, 2014 1:35 am

Venmar has been sent home early.

The Critic · Post Post #1915 (isolation #45) » Thu May 01, 2014 2:31 am

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
goodmorning
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
Venmar

Episode 2, Shift B.5 (Day), VC 2Zdenek (4) - BROseidon, Dry-fit, ika, Bird and Beast
Bird and Beast (4) - Venmar, hiplop, Zdenek, FourteenPointFive
FourteenPointFive (2) - MrZepher, goodmorning
The Goat (2) - PeregrineV, xRECKONERx
Serene2 (1) - ~Jordan'
hiplop (1) - Brian Skies
ika (1) - Infinite Jesters
xRECKONERx (1) - Svenskt Stal
Venmar (1) - Aronis

Not Voting (2): The Goat, Serene2

With 19 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-01 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-03 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #1942 (isolation #46) » Fri May 02, 2014 3:21 am

Sorry we suck, same drill as before. Deadline for this shift / the episode have been pushed back slightly.

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 2, Shift B.6 (Night), VC 1Bird and Beast (5) - Venmar, hiplop, Zdenek, FourteenPointFive, The Goat
Zdenek (4) - BROseidon, Dry-fit, ika, Bird and Beast
FourteenPointFive (2) - MrZepher, goodmorning
The Goat (2) - PeregrineV, xRECKONERx
Serene2 (1) - ~Jordan'
hiplop (1) - Brian Skies
ika (1) - Infinite Jesters
xRECKONERx (1) - Svenskt Stal

Not Voting (2): Serene2, Aronis

With 19 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-04 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-04 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #1977 (isolation #47) » Fri May 02, 2014 5:17 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 2, Shift B.6 (Night), VC 1Bird and Beast (5) - Venmar, hiplop, Zdenek, FourteenPointFive, The Goat
Zdenek (3) - BROseidon, Dry-fit, ika
The Goat (2) - PeregrineV, xRECKONERx,
Dry-fit (2) - BirdAndBeast, MrZephyr
FourteenPointFive (1) - goodmorning
hiplop (1) - Brian Skies
xRECKONERx (1) - Svenskt Stal

Not Voting (4): Serene2, Aronis, Infinite Jesters, Jordan

With 19 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-04 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-04 23:00:00).

The Critic · Sat May 03, 2014 11:32 am

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Bird and Beast
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 2, Shift B.6 (Night), VC 1

Bird and Beast (10) - Venmar, hiplop, Zdenek, FourteenPointFive, The Goat, MrZepher, Sven, BirdAndBeast, BrianSkies, Serene2

Zdenek (3) - BROseidon, Dry-fit, ika
The Goat (2) - PeregrineV, xRECKONERx,
FourteenPointFive (1) - goodmorning

Not Voting (3): Aronis, Infinite Jesters, Jordan

With 19 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Critic · Sat May 03, 2014 11:45 am

(A man is sitting in the green room yelling at a laptop)

MARCUS. THIS FUCKIN IDIOT. HE THINKS HE SO SMART. I'M THE SMART ONE.

(The man begins furiously typing on his laptop)

MARCUS. I'LL SHOW THESE FUCKS THE UNASSAILABILITY OF MY LOGIC. THEY'LL BE SURE TO KNOW HOW BRILLIANT I AM EVEN IF IT ISN'T PERSUASIVE AT ALL.

(He punches the keyboard)

MARCUS. FUCK YEAH. I INVENTED A NEW BUZZWORD.

(A second man walks into the room)

PRODUCER. Sir, we need to discuss your behavior on the set.

MARCUS. DID YOU READ MY MANIFESTO ON THE SUBJECT?!

PRODUCER. Manifesto?

MARCUS. I LEFT IT IN YOUR WORK STATION

PRODUCER. So you're the one who pooped on my desk.

MARCUS. POOP SMEARED ON WORK SURFACES IS A HIGHLY SOUGHT AFTER CURRENCY IN MY CIRCLES.

PRODUCER. Regardless, that isn't why I'm here. We just don't feel that you're very viewer friendly.

MARCUS. I NEVER SAID I WAS FRIENDLY.

PRODUCER. You just seem to spend a lot of time either on your phone or laptop.

MARCUS. MY YELLING DOESN'T BOTHER YOU?

PRODUCER. It's reality TV; everyone is unhinged.

MARCUS. THEN WHAT'S THE ISSUE?

PRODUCER. Well aside from the fact that you often try to type with your dick, you just don't seem to... do much onscreen.

MARCUS. I AM RIGHTING THE WRONGS OF THE DIGITAL WORLD.

PRODUCER. That may be... but we're going to have to let you go.

MARCUS. UNACCEPTABLE. MY READS ARE FLAWLESS AND MY LOGIC IS UNASSAILABLE.

PRODUCER. So you've said.... anyway thank you so much for coming. Here is your complimentary basket of Minty Mints mints. You are contractually obligated to tell all of your friends about these. Forever.

MARCUS. I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.

PRODUCER. Under pain of death.

(The producer hands Marcus a basket of mints. The basket is glowing.)

MARCUS. THESE HAVE A CANCER WARNING ON THEM.

(Marcus examines the basket)

MARCUS. YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I KIND OF WANT TO DIE.

PRODUCER. ...get out.

BirdAndBeast,

Marcus Pesci, An Antisocial Loner Whose Primary Social Outlet is a Forum Game Which He Uses To Take Out His Impotent Rage at Himself for Never Making His Parents Proud (Vanilla Townie)

, Kicked Off The Show Episode 2.

There will be a 24 hour commercial break.

The Critic · Post Post #2084 (isolation #50) » Sun May 04, 2014 5:49 pm

~And now, a word from our sponsors~

(A white screen with light jazz music playing. The white screen gradually fades into a shot of the branch of a magnolia tree gentle blowing in the wind. We hear a soft creaking sound that grows louder as the camera pans downward towards the front porch of a house. Core P. Tool is sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch of a plantation-style house.)

CORE. Well hello there America. I'm Core P. Tool, a corporate tool for Minty Mints, the minty freshest company in the minty fresh USA.

(We hear the cry of an eagle overhead.)

CORE. We at Minty Mints are proud to announce the launch of the newest innovation in mint technology: Whipping Mints. We've harnessed the power both of black licorice and a black cult far beyond the comprehension of mortal man to bring you a new mint that defies the laws of cause and effect. For the low, low price of 100 dollars, you can get this piece of black licorice.

(Core holds up a small ball of darkness that bends the image onscreen around it in ways that defy rational explanation)

CORE. Our patented black licorice, if placed near our companion mints: Master Mints, will actually absorb the perfect minty flavor from Master Mints so that the licorice takes the sucking for them. That way our Master Mints can be able to pursue other activities. Like land ownership.

(The sky darkens and there is a shriek.)

VOICE. Honey! The sacrifice is ready.

CORE. Ha ha, Fanny, not near the cameras.

VOICE. Okay, just come in.

CORE. Well, that's all I had to let you know, America. Keep watching. Ever Their praises, and abundance to the Black Goat of the Woods. Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Iä! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young!

(Fade to red.)

The Critic · Post Post #2085 (isolation #51) » Sun May 04, 2014 6:01 pm

Crystal is standing outside the studio softly weeping to herself. She is joined by Rebecca

REBECCA. What the fuck are you crying about?

CRYSTAL. This was over so quickly.

REBECCA. So? It's bullshit.

CRYSTAL. But it was so much more fun than what I'm used to doing.

REBECCA. Whatever. They kicked me out just because I kind of occasionally habitually smoke meth.

CRYSTAL. Oh my god.

REBECCA. It's not a big deal.

CRYSTAL. Isn't meth like, illegal?

REBECCA. Yeah, so's lots of shit.

CRYSTAL. ...can I try some meth?

REBECCA. You?

CRYSTAL. I never do anything. Maybe it'll be fun. I have to break out of this box.

REBECCA. Can we use your apartment though I kind of got evicted from mine.

CRYSTAL. What happened?

REBECCA. It might have been meth-related.

CRYSTAL. Carpe diem!

REBECCA. Oh my fucking god.

CRYSTAL. I'm new to the whole criminal lifestyle. Do I need a new name?

REBECCA. You already have a stripper name. You can only really go whiter from here.

CRYSTAL. Whee!

(Rebecca and Crystal go off to Crystal's apartment to do meth, which almost certainly won't begin a horrible spiral that ends with Crystal writhing on a pole for money.)

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
BROseidon
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
hiplop
goodmorning
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
Venmar

With 18 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-06 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-19 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2117 (isolation #52) » Tue May 06, 2014 4:07 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 3, Shift B.8 (Night), VC 1Serene2 (4) - Aronis, The Goat, FourteenPointFive, xRECKONERx
Dry-Fit (1) - goodmorning
Aronis (1) - Dry-fit

Not Voting (12): Infinite Jesters, Jordan, hiplop, Zdenek, MrZepher, Sven, BrianSkies, Serene2, PeregrineV, BROseidon, ika, Venmar

With 18 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-08 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-19 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2205 (isolation #53) » Wed May 07, 2014 5:44 am

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 3, Shift B.8 (Night), VC 2Serene2 (7) - Aronis, The Goat, FourteenPointFive, xRECKONERx, Infinite Jesters, ~Jordan', MrZepher
Dry-Fit (1) - goodmorning
Aronis (1) - Dry-fit

Not Voting (9): hiplop, Zdenek, Sven, BrianSkies, Serene2, PeregrineV, BROseidon, ika, Venmar

With 18 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-08 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-19 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2271 (isolation #54) » Wed May 07, 2014 4:05 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 3, Shift B.8 (Night), VC 3Serene2 (9) - Aronis, The Goat, FourteenPointFive, xRECKONERx, Infinite Jesters, ~Jordan', Zdenek, MrZepher, ika
Dry-Fit (1) - goodmorning
Aronis (1) - Dry-fit

Not Voting (7): hiplop, Sven, BrianSkies, Serene2, PeregrineV, BROseidon, Venmar

With 18 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-08 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-19 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2278 (isolation #55) » Wed May 07, 2014 4:28 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Brian Skies
ika
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Serene2
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 3, Shift B.8 (Night), VC 3

Serene2 (10) - Aronis, The Goat, FourteenPointFive, xRECKONERx, Infinite Jesters, ~Jordan', Zdenek, MrZepher, ika, BrianSkies

Dry-Fit (1) - goodmorning
Aronis (1) - Dry-fit

Not Voting (6): hiplop, Sven, Serene2, PeregrineV, BROseidon, Venmar

With 18 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Critic · Post Post #2279 (isolation #56) » Wed May 07, 2014 4:32 pm

(Two women are arguing on a TV set. A crew is filming them)

WOMAN 1. THIS IS EXACTLY THE REASON WHY WE HAVE TO ASK PERMISSION NOW TO USE THE COPIER

WOMAN 2. Well I did not realize that.

WOMAN 1. Was it not a clue when you saw the sign that said "Do not use the copier as a food preparation surface or cooking device"?

WOMAN 2. I didn't see the sign.

WOMAN 1. There is no way you didn't see that sign.

WOMAN 2. I really didn't! I swear!

WOMAN 1. Well now Ernesto the Janitor is going to spend the next two hours cleaning tuna fish out of the copier, and IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

WOMAN 2. I just wanted to see if it would work!

WOMAN 1. WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT YOU COULD USE A COPIER TO LITERALLY COPY A SANDWICH!? WERE YOU DROPPED AS A CHILD?!

WOMAN 2. I don't have to stand here and take this.

WOMAN 1. WE WILL SETTLE THIS... IN THE JELLO WRESTLING ARENA.

(We hear men and women hooting and cheering offscreen. Henry Donahue strides onscreen. He is holding a large fruity drink.)

HENRY. I hate to break up the party, but I have news that is going to rock the ass and balls of this company.

DIRECTOR. Henry! Language!

HENRY. I don't give a flying fuck. I got my retirement papers already and mailed them to my accountant. The company can't terminate my retirement. Which is why now is a perfect time for me to show something to the world. We're live, right?

DIRECTOR. No...?

HENRY. Whatever. I've been holding onto this til I retired. I have pictures of one of the assistant mangers fucking a goat.

DIRECTOR. Excuse me?

(Henry unfolds a gigantic poster of a man fucking a goat)

DIRECTOR. Well that doesn't really matter. We just won't air this.

HENRY. Yeah, I kinda already sent them around to the media so.... He's gonna have to be fired.

DIRECTOR. You have got to be kidding me.

HENRY. HA! Kidding.

(Pause)

HENRY. Get it? Because he's fucking goats?

DIRECTOR. LEAVE!

(Henry tilts his head back and drinks his entire drink in one long swing. He grabs his crotch and walks offscreen)

Serene2,

James Tomlinson, the Incompetent Assistant Manager Who’s In Way Over His Head (

Mafia Goon

)

, Kicked Off The Show Episode 3.

BROseidon,

Henry Donahue, the Retiree (

Public Ascetic Deathproof Innocent Child With An Expiration Date

)

, Retired Episode 3.

The Critic · Post Post #2280 (isolation #57) » Thu May 08, 2014 6:38 pm

And now, a word from our sponsors

(Fade into a sterile lab room. A man in a white coat is standing in center frame)

CORE. Hello America. You're looking well. Is that a new haircut? Did you lose weight? I'm Core P. Tool, a corporate tool for Minty Mints, the minty freshest company in the minty fresh USA, and I'm delighted to inform you about a fantastic new product from Minty Mints. Through the use of ritualistic murder and black magic from an inconceivable deity from beyond the gulf of space and time, we have fused the joy within a child's heart into the chewy minty center of each and every mint of the new flavor "EnJOYmint". One taste of EnJOYmint and you'll be marked for life... with adulation! Thanks to our corporate partnership with the nightmarish sweatshops in Bangladesh and Indonesia, we have a ready supply of children for the machine. Buy a tin today! And don't forget to keep watching our sponsored shows. Never stop.

The Critic · Post Post #2281 (isolation #58) » Fri May 09, 2014 3:54 am

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
Dry-fit
goodmorning
hiplop
ika
PeregrineV
The Goat
xRECKONERx
Venmar

With 16 alive, it is 9 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-11 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-25 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2289 (isolation #59) » Fri May 09, 2014 4:50 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
Dry-fit
goodmorning
hiplop
ika
PeregrineV
xRECKONERx
Venmar

We made an error in our posted shift distributions. This is the updated current day shift. Double check to make sure you're in the right place.

The Critic · Post Post #2297 (isolation #60) » Sat May 10, 2014 4:04 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
Dry-fit
goodmorning
hiplop
ika
PeregrineV
xRECKONERx
Venmar

Episode 4, Shift C.1 (Day), VC 2~Jordan' (1) - ika
hiplop (1) - Dry-fit
Dry-fit (1) - Venmar

Not Voting (13): hiplop, Sven, PeregrineV, Aronis, The Goat, FourteenPointFive, xRECKONERx, Infinite Jesters, ~Jordan', Zdenek, MrZepher, BrianSkies, goodmorning

With 16 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-11 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-25 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2317 (isolation #61) » Sun May 11, 2014 4:13 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
The Goat
Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 4, Shift C.2 (Night), VC 1Dry-fit (3) - hiplop, ika, Aronis
hiplop (2) - Dry-fit, goodmorning

Not Voting (11): Sven, PeregrineV, The Goat, FourteenPointFive, xRECKONERx, Infinite Jesters, ~Jordan', Zdenek, MrZepher, BrianSkies, Venmar

With 16 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-13 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-25 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2381 (isolation #62) » Mon May 12, 2014 4:17 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
The Goat
Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 4, Shift C.2 (Night), VC 2Dry-fit (3) - hiplop, ika, Aronis
hiplop (3) - Dry-fit, goodmorning, Infinite Jesters
Mr Zepher (1) - FourteenPointFive
The Goat (1) - Svenskt Stål
xRECKONERx (1) - The Goat

Not Voting (7): PeregrineV, xRECKONERx, ~Jordan', Zdenek, MrZepher, BrianSkies, Venmar

With 16 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-13 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-25 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2412 (isolation #63) » Tue May 13, 2014 4:09 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
Dry-fit
goodmorning
hiplop
ika
PeregrineV
xRECKONERx
Venmar

Episode 4, Shift C.3 (Day), VC 1hiplop (4) - Dry-fit, goodmorning, Infinite Jesters, Brian Skies
Dry-fit (3) - hiplop, ika, Aronis
xRECKONERx (3) - The Goat, MrZepher, Svenskt Stål
Mr Zepher (1) - FourteenPointFive

Not Voting (5): PeregrineV, xRECKONERx, ~Jordan', Zdenek, Venmar

With 16 alive, it is 10 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-15 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-25 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2444 (isolation #64) » Thu May 15, 2014 1:54 am

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
Dry-fit
goodmorning
hiplop
ika
PeregrineV
xRECKONERx
Venmar

Episode 4, Shift C.3 (Day), VC 2hiplop (4) - Dry-fit, goodmorning, Infinite Jesters, Brian Skies
xRECKONERx (3) - The Goat, MrZepher, Svenskt Stål
Dry-fit (1) - hiplop
Mr Zepher (1) - FourteenPointFive
Inifinte Jesters (1) - Aronis
The Goat (1) - xRECKONERx
FourteenPointFive (1) - ika

Not Voting (4): PeregrineV, ~Jordan', Zdenek, Venmar

With 16 alive, it is 9 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-15 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-25 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2462 (isolation #65) » Thu May 15, 2014 4:06 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
The Goat
Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 4, Shift C.4 (Night), VC 1hiplop (5) - Dry-fit, goodmorning, Infinite Jesters, Brian Skies, PeregrineV
xRECKONERx (3) - The Goat, MrZepher, Svenskt Stål
The Goat (3) - xRECKONERx, Venmar, Aronis
Dry-fit (1) - hiplop
Mr Zepher (1) - FourteenPointFive
FourteenPointFive (1) - ika

Not Voting (2): ~Jordan', Zdenek

With 16 alive, it is 9 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-17 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-25 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2482 (isolation #66) » Sun May 18, 2014 2:33 am

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
Dry-fit
goodmorning iamausername
hiplop
ika
PeregrineV
xRECKONERx
Venmar

We suck and therefore shift and episode deadlines have been extended by one day apiece.

Episode 4, Shift C.5 (Day), VC 1hiplop (5) - Dry-fit, goodmorning, Brian Skies, PeregrineV, Svenskt Stål
The Goat (3) - xRECKONERx, Venmar, Aronis
xRECKONERx (2) - The Goat, MrZepher
Dry-fit (1) - hiplop
Mr Zepher (1) - FourteenPointFive
FourteenPointFive (1) - ika
ika (1) - Infinite Jesters

Not Voting (2): ~Jordan', Zdenek

With 16 alive, it is 9 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-20 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-26 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2503 (isolation #67) » Mon May 19, 2014 1:29 am

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
Dry-fit
goodmorning iamausername
hiplop
ika
PeregrineV
xRECKONERx
Venmar

Episode 4, Shift C.5 (Day), VC 2hiplop (5) - Dry-fit, goodmorning, Brian Skies, PeregrineV, Svenskt Stål
The Goat (3) - xRECKONERx, Venmar, Aronis
xRECKONERx (2) - The Goat, MrZepher
Dry-fit (1) - hiplop
Mr Zepher (1) - FourteenPointFive
FourteenPointFive (1) - ika
ika (1) - Infinite Jesters

Not Voting (2): ~Jordan', Zdenek

With 16 alive, it is 9 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-20 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-26 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2542 (isolation #68) » Mon May 19, 2014 8:47 am

The following has been added to the General Rule Set

[*] You may not quote directly from any communications that are not the game thread. This includes PMs, QT's, and Private Topics.

The Critic · Post Post #2562 (isolation #69) » Mon May 19, 2014 4:02 pm

In post 2554, ika wrote:mod: if a role can modify the shifts setup, does it go into affect next shift or at end of episode?

or a better phrasing, does a shift change come after a day/night shift or after an episode

That would depend on how we phrased the ability in the role PM.

The Critic · Post Post #2564 (isolation #70) » Mon May 19, 2014 6:07 pm

(A man is sitting at a makeshift desk area in the corner of a sound set. A woman approaches the desk)

PRODUCER. Ah, Mary, thank you for stopping by.

MARY. What's this about?

PRODUCER. Well... we need to talk.

MARY. Did I do something wrong?

PRODUCER. Frankly, yes. Mary, when we hired you to be on this show, we had a certain... understanding about the kind of personality you would bring to this fake work environment. And you've really been straying away from it.

MARY. What do you mean?

PRODUCER. How do I put this delicately.... We just expected you to be more Jesus-y I guess. You're supposed to help those farmers in Nebraska relate to our show and according to our test audiences you've been saying some really not-Christian things on the confessional cam.

MARY. Everyone has their moments of doubt.

PRODUCER. In real life! This is TV.

MARY. I'm not sure what you want from me.

PRODUCER. I want you to be praying and being sanctimonious and judgmental of the other women! Crystal is off being a meth hooker or some nonsense and you haven't said one word about it!

MARY. I think she's a stripper, and it's really none of my business.

PRODUCER. You need to MAKE it your business.

MARY. That's not very Christian, though.

PRODUCER. It is according to our test audience, who are really not engaging with your character at all.

MARY. I'm not playing a character though.

PRODUCER. *sigh* Mary you're really going to make me do this, aren't you?

MARY. What do you mean?

PRODUCER. Mary I'm afraid that we're going to have to release you from the show and send you back to that awful one room schoolhouse slash polygamist colony slash cult we pulled you out of.

MARY. But this was my one shot to get out. And I'm learning so much about the world and myself right now.

PRODUCER. Our viewers aren't interested in that. They want to see the Mary Walker that hates those slutty abortion addicted hussies in the office, not the Mary who wonders if maybe jesus intended for you to like touching boys' hands or whatever fucking nonsense you've been going on about. The people filling out our surveys can't relate to that. I'm sorry, Mary, but this is a ratings issue and my hands are tied. I'm gonna have to let you go. Your complimentary Minty Mints gift basket is in your locker. Make sure the cameras see it on your way out while we film you sobbing uncontrollably because this was your solitary glimpse of life outside your pathetic birdcage existence. If it's any consolation, I really don't care that this is crushing your dreams of escaping the patriarchal hellscape you grew up in because you were bombing our ratings with your self-awareness and the only metric by which I judge if someone is worthy of happiness is if they can help advance my personal and professional goals.

MARY. Um.

PRODUCER. I'm sorry was that an overshare? Anyway get the fuck out.

Venmar,

Mary Walker, the Super Religious Intern Who’s Questioning Her Religion Lately Because She’s Never Been Allowed to Talk to Boys Before and Is Feeling Feelings She Can’t Explain (Vanilla Townie)

, Fired Episode 4

The Critic · Post Post #2565 (isolation #71) » Mon May 19, 2014 6:08 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
Dry-fit
goodmorning iamausername
hiplop
ika
PeregrineV
xRECKONERx

Episode 4, Shift C.5 (Day), VC 3hiplop (4) - Dry-fit, Brian Skies, PeregrineV, Svenskt Stål
The Goat (2) - xRECKONERx, goodmorning
xRECKONERx (2) - The Goat, MrZepher
Dry-fit (1) - hiplop
Mr Zepher (1) - FourteenPointFive
FourteenPointFive (1) - ika
ika (1) - Infinite Jesters
PeregrineV (1) - Aronis

Not Voting (2): ~Jordan', Zdenek

With 15 alive, it is 8 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-20 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-26 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2584 (isolation #72) » Tue May 20, 2014 4:46 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
The Goat
Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 4, Shift C.6 (Night), VC 1The Goat (6) - xRECKONERx, goodmorning, Aronis, ika, hiplop, PeregrineV
hiplop (3) - Dry-fit, Brian Skies, Svenskt Stål
xRECKONERx (2) - The Goat, MrZepher
Mr Zepher (1) - FourteenPointFive
ika (1) - Infinite Jesters

Not Voting (2): ~Jordan', Zdenek

With 15 alive, it is 8 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-22 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-05-26 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2614 (isolation #73) » Thu May 29, 2014 2:48 am

The Night Shift functionally started anew last night. Deadlines are being moved to reflect such.

I know of at least one player (MrZepher) who is unable to log in at the moment. If anyone else knows of such a person, let me know.

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
The Goat
Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 4, Shift C.6 (Night), VC 2The Goat (6) - xRECKONERx, goodmorning, Aronis, ika, hiplop, PeregrineV
ika (3) - Infinite Jesters, ~Jordan', FourteenPointFive
hiplop (2) - Dry-fit, Brian Skies
xRECKONERx (2) - The Goat, MrZepher

Not Voting (2): Zdenek, Svenskt Stål

With 15 alive, it is 8 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-30 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-03 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2638 (isolation #74) » Fri May 30, 2014 1:46 am

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
The Goat
Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 4, Shift C.6 (Night), VC 2The Goat (6) - xRECKONERx, goodmorning, Aronis, ika, hiplop, PeregrineV
ika (4) - Infinite Jesters, ~Jordan', FourteenPointFive, The Goat
hiplop (2) - Dry-fit, Brian Skies
xRECKONERx (1) - MrZepher

Not Voting (2): Zdenek, Svenskt Stål

With 15 alive, it is 8 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-05-30 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-03 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2660 (isolation #75) » Sat May 31, 2014 5:00 am

We suck again; deadlines extended by 1 day apiece.

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
Dry-fit
goodmorning
hiplop
ika
PeregrineV
xRECKONERx

Episode 4, Shift C.7 (Day), VC 1The Goat (6) - xRECKONERx, goodmorning, Aronis, ika, hiplop, PeregrineV
ika (5) - Infinite Jesters, ~Jordan', FourteenPointFive, The Goat, Brian Skies
hiplop (1) - Dry-fit

Not Voting (3): Zdenek, Svenskt Stål, MrZepher

With 15 alive, it is 8 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-02 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-04 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2667 (isolation #76) » Sat May 31, 2014 6:28 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
Dry-fit
goodmorning
hiplop
ika
PeregrineV
xRECKONERx

Episode 4, Shift C.7 (Day), VC 2ika (5) - Infinite Jesters, ~Jordan', FourteenPointFive, The Goat, Brian Skies
The Goat (3) - xRECKONERx, hiplop, PeregrineV
goodmorning (2) - Aronis, ika
hiplop (1) - Dry-fit
MrZepher (1) - goodmorning

Not Voting (3): Zdenek, Svenskt Stål, MrZepher

With 15 alive, it is 8 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-02 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-04 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2695 (isolation #77) » Tue Jun 03, 2014 1:20 am

Argh, sorry. Another day to both deadlines.

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
The Goat
Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 4, Shift C.8 (Night), VC 1ika (5) - Infinite Jesters, ~Jordan', FourteenPointFive, The Goat, Brian Skies
goodmorning (4) - Aronis, ika, hiplop, xRECKONERx
The Goat (2) - PeregrineV, Dry-fit
aronis (1) - goodmorning
hiplop (0) -
MrZepher (0) -

Not Voting (3): Zdenek, Svenskt Stål, MrZepher

With 15 alive, it is 8 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-05 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-05 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2734 (isolation #78) » Wed Jun 04, 2014 4:45 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
The Goat
Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 4, Shift C.8 (Night), VC 1goodmorning (6) - Aronis, ika, hiplop, xRECKONERx, FourteenPointFive, ~Jordan'
ika (4) - Infinite Jesters, The Goat, Brian Skies, MrZepher
The Goat (3) - PeregrineV, Dry-fit, Svenskt Stål
aronis (1) - goodmorning
hiplop (0) -
MrZepher (0) -

Not Voting (1): Zdenek

With 15 alive, it is 8 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-05 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-05 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2752 (isolation #79) » Thu Jun 05, 2014 9:26 am

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
The Goat
Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 4, Shift C.8 (Night), VC 1goodmorning (7) - Aronis, ika, hiplop, xRECKONERx, FourteenPointFive, ~Jordan', Infinite Jesters
ika (3) - The Goat, Brian Skies, MrZepher
The Goat (3) - PeregrineV, Dry-fit, Svenskt Stål
aronis (1) - goodmorning

Not Voting (1): Zdenek

With 15 alive, it is 8 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-05 23:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-05 23:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2769 (isolation #80) » Fri Jun 06, 2014 1:24 am

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
The Goat
Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
MrZepher
Svenskt Stal
Zdenek

Episode 4, Shift C.8 (Night), VC 2

goodmorning (8) - Aronis, ika, hiplop, xRECKONERx, FourteenPointFive, ~Jordan', Infinite Jesters, MrZepher

The Goat (3) - PeregrineV, Dry-fit, Svenskt Stål
ika (2) - The Goat, Brian Skies
aronis (1) - goodmorning

Not Voting (1): Zdenek

With 15 alive, it is 8 to lynch.

The Critic · Post Post #2770 (isolation #81) » Fri Jun 06, 2014 1:28 am

(Francine, an older lady, is standing outside of the TV studio in the pouring rain. She is holding a sodden box of doughtnuts. A pert young lady walks up to her holding an umbrella)

FRANCINE. Oh hello dear.

CRYSTAL. Francine! What happened to you?

FRANCINE. Oh, I got kicked off. I guess I need to go find another job.

CRYSTAL. That sucks. Are you sad about it?

FRANCINE. Not as sad as I am about never hearing from my children, but I guess yeah.

CRYSTAL. What if I told you that you could make some extra money and feel really good.

FRANCINE. Having a job makes me feel good.

CRYSTAL. That just means you've never tried meth.

FRANCINE. Meth? Like on Breaking Bad? I love that show!

CRYSTAL. Yeah, sure. Anyway if you want to try some meth I've got some at my apartment.

FRANCINE. Oh I don't know. Isn't it awfully hard on my teeth?

CRYSTAL. Oh that's just the liberal media.

FRANCINE. I've heard about the liberal media.

CRYSTAL. Sure sure. Anyway after I get you hooked on meth maybe I can turn you out to a job.

FRANCINE. A job?

CRYSTAL. Yeah, hopefully a whole bunch of "jobs". HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

(Pause)

CRYSTAL. Fellatio.

FRANCINE. Ohhhh. I don't think I'd like that.

CRYSTAL. For money!

FRANCINE. I think that's illegal, dear.

CRYSTAL. So's lots of shit! Come on. Just try this meth first.

FRANCINE. Okeydokey. I have all these Minty Mints breath mints that'll hopefully get the taste of meth out of my mouth.

CRYSTAL. That's not the only thing. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

(Pause)

CRYSTAL. Semen.

goodmorning,

Francine Caine, the Office Mom Who Works Two Jobs Not Because She Needs the Money but Because She Needs to Feel Useful Because of Her Empty Nest Syndrome (

Same Shift Mass Donut Vendor

)

, Kicked Off The Show Episode 4.

The Critic · Post Post #2771 (isolation #82) » Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:13 am

A word from our sponsors!

(The same plantation-type house from an earlier commercial. Zoom in on a man hastily packing black plastic bags into the trunk of a car)

CORE. Oh god what have I done oh god what have I -

(He looks up)

CORE. Oh hi. Didn't see you there. Uh... I'm just packing up to go back to my house. I'm about done here....

(He shoves a few more plastic bags into his trunk.)

OFFSCREEN VOICE. Core. Talk about the product.

CORE. Oh right. Uh... we have a brand new line of Minty Mints that will take out bloodstains in addition to-

OFFSCREEN VOICE.

Stay on message

.

CORE. Oh right. Sorry. They're uh... they're the mintiest mints yet. One might even say they're too minty. Ha ha! Just kidding no such thing.

(Core picks up a blood-stained dress of the ground. He looks at it and starts weeping)

CORE. OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE.

OFFSCREEN VOICE. Commercial over!

The Critic · Post Post #2772 (isolation #83) » Sat Jun 07, 2014 8:27 am

It is now a Day Shift.

Brian Skies
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
The Goat
xRECKONERx
Zdenek

Episode 5, Shift D.1 (Day), VC 1Not Voting (14): Brian Skies, Dry-fit, FourteenPointFive, infinite jesters, The Goat, xRECKONERx, Zdenek, ~Jordan’, Aronis, Hiplop, ika, MrZepher, PeregrineV, Svenskt Stål

With 14 alive, it is 8 to lynch.

The Critic · Post Post #2784 (isolation #84) » Sat Jun 07, 2014 5:11 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

Brian Skies
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
The Goat
xRECKONERx
Zdenek

Episode 5, Shift D.1 (Day), VC 2FourteenPointFive (1) - Zdenek

Not Voting (13): Brian Skies, Dry-fit, FourteenPointFive, infinite jesters, The Goat, xRECKONERx, ~Jordan’, Aronis, Hiplop, ika, MrZepher, PeregrineV, Svenskt Stål

With 14 alive, it is 8 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-09 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-23 22:00:00).

Please note that deadlines have been moved to 10 Eastern, rather than 11.

The Critic · Post Post #2786 (isolation #85) » Sun Jun 08, 2014 4:15 am

We have been deleting all posts that came out of shift unless they are right on the border of the deadline. (11:02, or preview-edited our votecount.) If we didn't hit anything else, it's because we missed it.

The Critic · Post Post #2821 (isolation #86) » Tue Jun 10, 2014 6:50 am

I apparently forgot how to count. 1 day added to both deadlines. Sorry.

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Aronis
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 5, Shift D.2 (Night), VC 1ika (3) - infinite jesters, Brian Skies, The Goat
FourteenPointFive (2) - Zdenek, Svenskt Stål
hiplop (1) - Dry-fit

Not Voting (8): FourteenPointFive, xRECKONERx, ~Jordan’, Aronis, Hiplop, ika, MrZepher, PeregrineV

With 14 alive, it is 8 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-12 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-24 22:00:00).

Please note that deadlines have been moved to 10 Eastern, rather than 11.

The Critic · Post Post #2825 (isolation #87) » Tue Jun 10, 2014 7:08 am

Thread temporarily locked while mods resolve issues.

The Critic · Post Post #2826 (isolation #88) » Tue Jun 10, 2014 7:15 am

1 - inifinite jesters was sent home early at 1:00 am eastern on Monday, 6/9. There was a mod error, in that we did not post this information in thread. IJ's posts after that point have been edited out.
2 - In the future, if the mods do not come in to post that the shift has been switched, continue to play in the same shift. The next shift does not begin until we specifically say so. We will do our best to limit that type of error in the future. This has been added to the Rules in the OP.

Thread is unlocked.

The Critic · Post Post #2830 (isolation #89) » Tue Jun 10, 2014 7:49 am

(A woman is diving head first into a giant pile of cocaine on her desk)

CECILY. OH GOD I JUST LOVE COCAINE SO MUCH.

(A man walks into the office)

PRODUCER. Dear god! What are you doing?

CECILY. COCAINE.

PRODUCER. You can't do cocaine here!

CECILY. YOU CAN'T STOP ME. NO ONE CAN STOP ME.

PRODUCER. Yes I can! This is unacceptable. You are being fired.

CECILY. May I take all of my cocaine?

PRODUCER. ...get the fuck out of here.

CECILY. I AM LIKE A DRAGON RIDING A BEAR MADE OF FIRE.

(Cecily produces a garbage bag from her pants pocket and dumps the cocaine into the bag. She then licks the residue from her desk.)

CECILY. I'M GOING TO GO CONQUER THE WORLD AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE THAT.

PRODUCER. I don't care what you do just leave.

CECILY. I AM GOING TO BUILD A BUILDING SO TALL YOU WILL BREAK YOUR NECK TRYING TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ME.

PRODUCER. You're an embarrassment to the show.

CECILY. BYE.

(Cecily sprints from the room.)

Tragically and completely expectedly, Cecily died of heart failure moments after she ran from the office due to having ingested nine pounds of cocaine nasally.

xRECKONERx,

Cecily Green, the Boss Who Is Good At Her Job and Well-Liked by Her Employees But Just Can’t Seem To Kick That Cocaine Habit (

Neighbor / 1-shot Shift Manipulator

)

, Fired Episode 5.

The Critic · Post Post #2831 (isolation #90) » Tue Jun 10, 2014 7:50 am

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Aronis
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 5, Shift D.2 (Night), VC 2ika (3) - infinite jesters, Brian Skies, The Goat
FourteenPointFive (2) - Zdenek, Svenskt Stål
hiplop (1) - Dry-fit
Aronis (1) -ika

Not Voting (7): FourteenPointFive, ~Jordan’, Aronis, Hiplop, MrZepher, PeregrineV

With 13 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-12 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-24 22:00:00).

Please note that deadlines have been moved to 10 Eastern, rather than 11.

The Critic · Wed Jun 11, 2014 12:34 am

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Aronis
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 5, Shift D.2 (Night), VC 3ika (3) - infinite jesters, Brian Skies, The Goat
FourteenPointFive (3) - Zdenek, Svenskt Stål, MrZepher
hiplop (1) - Dry-fit
Aronis (1) -ika

Not Voting (6): FourteenPointFive, ~Jordan’, Aronis, Hiplop, PeregrineV

With 13 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-12 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-24 22:00:00).

Please note that deadlines have been moved to 10 Eastern, rather than 11.

The Critic · Post Post #2862 (isolation #92) » Thu Jun 12, 2014 1:04 am

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Aronis
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 5, Shift D.2 (Night), VC 4ika (3) - infinite jesters, Brian Skies, The Goat
FourteenPointFive (3) - Zdenek, Svenskt Stål, MrZepher
hiplop (1) - Dry-fit
Aronis (1) -ika

Not Voting (6): FourteenPointFive, ~Jordan’, Aronis, Hiplop, PeregrineV

With 13 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-12 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-24 22:00:00).

Please note that deadlines have been moved to 10 Eastern, rather than 11.

The Critic · Post Post #2876 (isolation #93) » Thu Jun 12, 2014 3:45 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

Brian Skies
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
The Goat
Zdenek

Episode 5, Shift D.3 (Day), VC 1ika (3) - infinite jesters, Brian Skies, The Goat
FourteenPointFive (3) - Zdenek, Svenskt Stål, MrZepher
hiplop (1) - Dry-fit
Aronis (1) - ika
Svenskt Stål (1) - Aronis

Not Voting (5): FourteenPointFive, ~Jordan’, Hiplop, PeregrineV

With 13 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-14 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-24 22:00:00).

Please note that deadlines have been moved to 10 Eastern, rather than 11.

The Critic · Post Post #2877 (isolation #94) » Fri Jun 13, 2014 3:27 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

Brian Skies
Dry-fit
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
The Goat
Zdenek

Episode 5, Shift D.3 (Day), VC 2ika (3) - infinite jesters, Brian Skies, The Goat
FourteenPointFive (3) - Zdenek, Svenskt Stål, MrZepher
hiplop (1) - Dry-fit
Aronis (1) - ika
Svenskt Stål (1) - Aronis

Not Voting (5): FourteenPointFive, ~Jordan’, Hiplop, PeregrineV

With 13 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-14 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-24 22:00:00).

Please note that deadlines have been moved to 10 Eastern, rather than 11.

The Critic · Post Post #2884 (isolation #95) » Sat Jun 14, 2014 7:32 am

Brian Skies has been sent home early.

The Critic · Post Post #2885 (isolation #96) » Sat Jun 14, 2014 7:37 am

Dry-fit has been let go.

He was

Kristof Jenner, the Office’s Token Gay Man Who Reads Straight to All Gay Men (Vanilla Townie)

.

It is now a Day Shift.

Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
The Goat
Zdenek

Episode 5, Shift D.3 (Day), VC 3ika (3) - infinite jesters, Brian Skies, The Goat
FourteenPointFive (3) - Zdenek, Svenskt Stål, MrZepher
Aronis (1) - ika
Svenskt Stål (1) - Aronis
MrZepher (1) - FourteenPointFive

Not Voting (3): ~Jordan’, Hiplop, PeregrineV

With 12 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-14 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-24 22:00:00).

Please note that deadlines have been moved to 10 Eastern, rather than 11.

The Critic · Post Post #2890 (isolation #97) » Sat Jun 14, 2014 3:40 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Aronis
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 5, Shift D.4 (Night), VC 1ika (3) - infinite jesters, Brian Skies, The Goat
FourteenPointFive (3) - Zdenek, Svenskt Stål, MrZepher
Aronis (1) - ika
Svenskt Stål (1) - Aronis
MrZepher (1) - FourteenPointFive

Not Voting (3): ~Jordan’, Hiplop, PeregrineV

With 12 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-16 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-24 22:00:00).

The Goat and Zdenek have been prodded.

The Critic · Post Post #2898 (isolation #98) » Sun Jun 15, 2014 4:09 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Aronis
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 5, Shift D.4 (Night), VC 2FourteenPointFive (4) - Zdenek, Svenskt Stål, MrZepher, ~Jordan’
ika (3) - infinite jesters, Brian Skies, The Goat
Aronis (1) - ika
Svenskt Stål (1) - Aronis
MrZepher (1) - FourteenPointFive

Not Voting (2): Hiplop, PeregrineV

With 12 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-16 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-24 22:00:00).

The Critic · Post Post #2909 (isolation #99) » Tue Jun 17, 2014 9:21 am

It is now a Day Shift.

Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
The Goat
Zdenek

Episode 5, Shift D.5 (Day), VC 1FourteenPointFive (4) - Zdenek, Svenskt Stål, MrZepher, ~Jordan’
ika (3) - infinite jesters, Brian Skies, The Goat
Aronis (1) - ika
MrZepher (1) - FourteenPointFive

Not Voting (3): Hiplop, PeregrineV, Aronis

With 12 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

Svenskt Stål and Hiplop have been prodded.

ika is V/LA until 6/20.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-19 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-25 22:00:00).

The Critic · Tue Jun 17, 2014 4:53 pm

People

only

swap shifts after 8 shifts are complete. Deaths, new episodes, and any uneven-ness created by deaths and lynches have no effect on that. Players cannot be (and have not been) moved before the shift distribution changes. The shift rules listed in the OP apply to the shifts immediately upon a new distribution coming into effect.

The Critic · Thu Jun 19, 2014 1:29 am

It is now a Day Shift.

Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
The Goat
Zdenek

Episode 5, Shift D.5 (Day), VC 2FourteenPointFive (4) - Zdenek, Svenskt Stål, MrZepher, ~Jordan’
ika (2) - Brian Skies, The Goat
Aronis (2) - ika, infinite jesters
MrZepher (1) - FourteenPointFive

Not Voting (3): Hiplop, PeregrineV, Aronis

With 12 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

ika is V/LA until 6/20.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-19 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-25 22:00:00).

The Critic · Thu Jun 19, 2014 3:15 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Aronis
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 5, Shift D.6 (Night), VC 1FourteenPointFive (4) - Zdenek, Svenskt Stål, MrZepher, ~Jordan’
ika (2) - Brian Skies, The Goat
Aronis (2) - ika, infinite jesters
MrZepher (1) - FourteenPointFive

Not Voting (3): Hiplop, PeregrineV, Aronis

With 12 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

Searching for a replacement for Zdenek, as he did not post for two consecutive shifts.

ika is V/LA until 6/20.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-21 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-25 22:00:00).

The Critic · Sat Jun 21, 2014 4:06 am

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Aronis
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 5, Shift D.6 (Night), VC 2FourteenPointFive (3) - Zdenek, MrZepher, ika
ika (3) - Brian Skies, The Goat, ~Jordan’
MrZepher (2) - FourteenPointFive, Svenskt Stål
Aronis (1) - infinite jesters

Not Voting (3): Hiplop, PeregrineV, Aronis

With 12 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

Zdenek has been replaced by SleepyKrew.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-21 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-25 22:00:00).

The Critic · Sat Jun 21, 2014 9:03 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 5, Shift D.7 (Day), VC 1FourteenPointFive (3) - Zdenek, MrZepher, ika
ika (3) - Brian Skies, The Goat, ~Jordan’
MrZepher (2) - FourteenPointFive, Svenskt Stål
Aronis (1) - infinite jesters
PeregrineV (1) - Aronis

Not Voting (2): Hiplop, PeregrineV

With 12 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-23 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-25 22:00:00).

The Critic · Mon Jun 23, 2014 1:34 am

It is now a Day Shift.

Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 5, Shift D.7 (Day), VC 2FourteenPointFive (3) - Zdenek, MrZepher, ika
ika (3) - Brian Skies, The Goat, ~Jordan’
MrZepher (2) - FourteenPointFive, Svenskt Stål
Aronis (1) - infinite jesters
PeregrineV (1) - Aronis

Not Voting (2): Hiplop, PeregrineV

With 12 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-23 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-25 22:00:00).

The Critic · Mon Jun 23, 2014 3:11 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Aronis
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 5, Shift D.8 (Night), VC 1FourteenPointFive (3) - Zdenek, MrZepher, ika
ika (2) - The Goat, ~Jordan’
MrZepher (3) - FourteenPointFive, Svenskt Stål, Brian Skies
Aronis (1) - infinite jesters
PeregrineV (1) - Aronis

Not Voting (2): Hiplop, PeregrineV

With 12 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-25 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-06-25 22:00:00).

The Critic · Thu Jun 26, 2014 12:46 am

Episode 5 ends in a No Lynch. There will be a short commercial break.

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Aronis
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 5, Shift D.8 (Night), VC 2MrZepher (6) - FourteenPointFive, Brian Skies, ~Jordan', ika, Svenskt Stål, Hiplop
FourteenPointFive (2) - Zdenek, MrZepher,
ika (1) - The Goat,
Aronis (1) - infinite jesters
Svenskt Stål (1) - Aronis

Not Voting (1): PeregrineV

With 12 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

(Three women are standing in a darkened apartment. They are all facing a water pipe, which has been repurposed as a stripper pole.)

CRYSTAL. Alright, so we're all clear on the plan.

REBECCA. I'm not.

CRYSTAL. HOW MANY TIMES- ...okay, okay. So we're going to distribute all of these flyers in biker bars around the city.

(Crystal holds up stack of flyers depicting a surprised-looking Francine getting out of a shower)

CRYSTAL. Then we sit back and rake in the jack.

(Crystal reclines on a beanbag chair and begins eating an apple.)

REBECCA. What jack?

CRYSTAL. The money. Come on, you know bikers are all about riding with their sweaty mommas.

REBECCA. So you've said.

CRYSTAL. And I think Francine looks like the type.

FRANCINE. As long as I'm getting out of the house, I guess.

CRYSTAL. See? She's happy.

FRANCINE. I've never really been happy.

CRYSTAL. You need to be trying on the different costumes we got you.

FRANCINE. Okay dear.

(Francine walks to a shabby wardrobe in the corner and begins undressing.)

REBECCA. Well I really don't think the two of us can run an illegal stripper den. And this flyer doesn't say "illegal stripper den" or even have an address. How do you expect this to lead people here?

CRYSTAL. Okay first of all it there are three of us, four if you count my sometimes boyfriend Owen who will be providing security on the days he's not too strung out on heroin.

REBECCA. I don't count him.

CRYSTAL. And they'll you know, hear it through the grapevine or whatever. If we put the address on here that'd just lead the cops here. We want people to hear about us through underground channels or whatever.

REBECCA. You are such an upper middle class child.

CRYSTAL. I CONTAIN MULTITUDES.

REBECCA. That doesn't mean anything in this context. And we're going to get murdered.

CRYSTAL. Oh stop worrying, it'll be fine. What's the worst that can happen? Besides, the real business is selling meth.

REBECCA. We don't have any meth.

CRYSTAL. (to Francine) Francine, did you learn how to cook meth yet?

FRANCINE. (wearing a Ms. Pacman costume) No dear, but I'll get right on it! Do you know where I could find some Sudafed?

The Critic · Fri Jun 27, 2014 6:15 am

A word from our sponsors!

(A man in a tattered suit is running down the highway.)

CORE. Oh god I have to get away oh god I have to- Oh hi. Didn't see you there. I was just uh... doing some field testing of our breakthrough product, Four Minto. This revolutionary new breath mint contains a proprietary blend of stimulants and minty freshness to help keep you at your minty freshest while your'e running from unspeakable eldritch horrors unleashed from a dimension beyond space and time.

(A terrible squeal erupts from behind Core. An indescribable light illuminates his body, showing flashes of the skeleton beneath his skin)

CORE. OH GOD OH GOD okay remember the pitch remember the pitch. Yeah uh so, you know how sometimes your breath doesn't smell the best when you've had fear vomit anyway so anyway it'll make you smell fine again and then your wife would probably want to make out with you if she were still alive and not had her innards strewn across an altar OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE THIS WASN'T WORTH IT WHY DID I SIGN THAT CONTRACT IN MY OWN BLOOD.

(Fade to black. White text reading "Minty Mints.... better than having a soul!" fades onto the screen)

The Critic · Sat Jun 28, 2014 4:02 am

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
Brian Skies
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 6, Shift E.1 (Day), VC 1Not Voting (12): Brian Skies, FourteenPointFive, infinite jesters, The Goat, SleepyKrew, ~Jordan’, Aronis, Hiplop, ika, MrZepher, PeregrineV, Svenskt Stål

With 12 alive, it is 7 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-30 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-14 22:00:00).

The Critic · Sat Jun 28, 2014 4:42 am

Brian Skies has been fired.

He was

Jared Green, the Boss’s Son Who Dropped Out of School To Be In a Band But Then the Band Failed Probably Because No One Wants to Listen to Gangsta Metal Reggae (3-shot Same Shift Dayvig)

.

(A young man is standing outside of the film location.)

JARED. Sigh. Just because I forced a bunch of people out of work they fired me. Since when does nepotism not help in that situation?

(A car drives by and splashes water on Jared.)

JARED. It's okay, I didn't like this outfit anyway.

(Jared removes his shirt and pants.)

JARED. I should probably get the band together again. What's this?

(Jared picks up a flyer off the ground.)

JARED. Oh wow! An underground strip club! I love those. I'm gonna go to this.

(Jared stuffs his tighty-whities full of one dollar bills.)

JARED. Time to go rub my face in some past-their-prime tittays!

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 6, Shift E.1 (Day), VC 2Not Voting (11): FourteenPointFive, infinite jesters, The Goat, SleepyKrew, ~Jordan’, Aronis, Hiplop, ika, MrZepher, PeregrineV, Svenskt Stål

With 11 alive, it is 6 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-30 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-14 22:00:00).

The Critic · Sun Jun 29, 2014 7:18 am

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 6, Shift E.1 (Day), VC 3Aronis (1) - infinite jesters
Hiplop (1) - Aronis

Not Voting (9) - FourteenPointFive, The Goat, SleepyKrew, ~Jordan’, Hiplop, ika, MrZepher, PeregrineV, Svenskt Stål

With 11 alive, it is 6 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-30 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-14 22:00:00).

The Critic · Mon Jun 30, 2014 11:39 am

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 6, Shift E.1 (Day), VC 4PeregrineV (2) - SleepyKrew, FourteenPointFive
Aronis (1) - infinite jesters
Hiplop (1) - Aronis

Not Voting (7) - The Goat, ~Jordan’, Hiplop, ika, MrZepher, PeregrineV, Svenskt Stål

With 11 alive, it is 6 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-06-30 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-14 22:00:00).

The Critic · Mon Jun 30, 2014 4:28 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 6, Shift E.2 (Night), VC 1PeregrineV (1) - SleepyKrew
Aronis (1) - infinite jesters
Hiplop (1) - Aronis
MrZepher (1) - FourteenPointFive

Not Voting (7) - The Goat, ~Jordan’, Hiplop, ika, MrZepher, PeregrineV, Svenskt Stål

With 11 alive, it is 6 to lynch.

The Goat has been prodded.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-02 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-14 22:00:00).

The Critic · Tue Jul 01, 2014 5:42 am

~jordan` has been sent home early.

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 6, Shift E.2 (Night), VC 2Aronis (2) - infinite jesters, ika
Hiplop (2) - Aronis, Svenskt Stål
MrZepher (2) - FourteenPointFive, ~Jordan’
PeregrineV (1) - SleepyKrew

Not Voting (4) - The Goat, Hiplop, MrZepher, PeregrineV

With 11 alive, it is 6 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-02 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-14 22:00:00).

The Critic · Tue Jul 01, 2014 3:42 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 6, Shift E.2 (Night), VC 3MrZepher (3) - FourteenPointFive, ~Jordan’, ika
Aronis (2)- infinite jesters, PeregrineV
Hiplop (2) - Aronis, Svenskt Stål
PeregrineV (1) - SleepyKrew

Not Voting (3) - The Goat, Hiplop, MrZepher

With 11 alive, it is 6 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-02 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-14 22:00:00).

The Critic · Thu Jul 03, 2014 1:33 am

Deadline for the new shift and the episode has been pushed back to Sunday, 7/6, to account for the holiday weekend in the states and the fact that we were late getting the shift swap up.

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 6, Shift E.3 (Day), VC 1MrZepher (2) - FourteenPointFive, ika
Aronis (2)- infinite jesters, PeregrineV
Hiplop (2) - Aronis, Svenskt Stål
PeregrineV (1) - SleepyKrew

Not Voting (4) - The Goat, Hiplop, MrZepher, ~Jordan’

With 11 alive, it is 6 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-06 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-16 22:00:00).

The Critic · Sat Jul 05, 2014 6:15 am

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 6, Shift E.3 (Day), VC 2Aronis (5)- infinite jesters, PeregrineV, The Goat, SleepyKrew, FourteenPointFive
Hiplop (2) - Aronis, Svenskt Stål
MrZepher (1) - ika

Not Voting (3) - Hiplop, MrZepher, ~Jordan’

With 11 alive, it is 6 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-06 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-16 22:00:00).

The Critic · Sun Jul 06, 2014 3:39 am

It is now a Day Shift.

Aronis
FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 6, Shift E.3 (Day), VC 3Aronis (5)- infinite jesters, PeregrineV, The Goat, SleepyKrew, FourteenPointFive
Hiplop (2) - Aronis, Svenskt Stål
MrZepher (1) - ika

Not Voting (3) - Hiplop, MrZepher, ~Jordan’

With 11 alive, it is 6 to lynch.

PeregrineV is V/LA until 7/8.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-06 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-16 22:00:00).

The Critic · Mon Jul 07, 2014 12:18 am

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 6, Shift E.4 (Night), VC 1Aronis (5)- infinite jesters, PeregrineV, The Goat, SleepyKrew, FourteenPointFive
Hiplop (1) - Svenskt Stål
MrZepher (1) - ika
The Goat (1) - Aronis

Not Voting (3) - Hiplop, MrZepher, ~Jordan’

With 11 alive, it is 6 to lynch.

PeregrineV is V/LA until 7/8.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-09 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-17 22:00:00).

The Critic · Mon Jul 07, 2014 9:05 am

Yup, fixed. Had the right list of people, wrong word in the title.

The Critic · Tue Jul 08, 2014 5:18 am

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 6, Shift E.4 (Night), VC 1Aronis (5)- infinite jesters, PeregrineV, The Goat, SleepyKrew, FourteenPointFive
Hiplop (1) - Svenskt Stål
MrZepher (1) - ika
The Goat (1) - Aronis

Not Voting (3) - Hiplop, MrZepher, ~Jordan’

With 11 alive, it is 6 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-09 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-17 22:00:00).

The Critic · Wed Jul 09, 2014 1:41 am

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
PeregrineV
Svenskt Stål

Episode 6, Shift E.4 (Night), VC 2

Aronis (6)- infinite jesters, PeregrineV, The Goat, SleepyKrew, FourteenPointFive, ~Jordan’

Hiplop (1) - Svenskt Stål
MrZepher (1) - ika
The Goat (1) - Aronis

Not Voting (2) - Hiplop, MrZepher

With 11 alive, it is 6 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-09 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-17 22:00:00).

The Critic · Wed Jul 09, 2014 1:44 am

(Two women in business attire are sitting at a table.)

DIRECTOR. I thought the last filming went well.

PRODUCER. Are you kidding?

DIRECTOR. No? I thought it was compelling television.

PRODUCER. You're not wrong, but we absolutely can't let that slide.

DIRECTOR. Oh come on. He's going to rate very highly with the test audiences. I'm sure of it.

PRODUCER. Horatio just started yelling racial slurs at people.

DIRECTOR. I think that'll really do well with our target market.

PRODUCER. We have to let him go.

DIRECTOR. The show is going to get really light, if you catch my drift, if we do that.

PRODUCER. Doesn't matter. You've seen Facebook. We'll get crucified if we let him stay.

DIRECTOR. You're right. We'll be able to spin it into a progressive face for our show.

PRODUCER. Indeed.

DIRECTOR. We might could even hire a gay afterwords just to-

PRODUCER. No.

DIRECTOR. Okay, okay.

PRODUCER. Have you seen those flyers that were going around earlier?

DIRECTOR. No?

PRODUCER. Oh man, we have such a party to catch after the staff meeting tonight, then.

Aronis,

Horatio Perez, the Human Resources Director Who Believes That Affirmative Action Is a Bad Thing Despite Being The Son of a Cuban Immigrant (

Mafia Opposite Shift Rolecop

)

, Kicked Off The Show Episode 6.

There will be a short commercial break.

The Critic · Wed Jul 09, 2014 7:47 pm

A word from our sponsors!

(A terrible squidlike being is positioned behind a box of Minty Mints. It is baring its indescribable tentacles menacingly at the camera.)

TERRIBLE SQUIDLIKE BEING. Screeeeeeee! Kraa kraa kraa!

(The terrible squidlike being smashes the box of Minty Mints and dissolves a few mints into its malproportioned tentacles.)

TERRIBLE SQUIDLIKE BEING. Kthaylaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

(Fade to black.)

The Critic · Fri Jul 11, 2014 4:52 am

It is now a Day Shift.

FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 7, Shift E.5 (Day), VC 1Not Voting (10) - Hiplop, MrZepher, infinite jesters, PeregrineV, The Goat, SleepyKrew, FourteenPointFive, ~Jordan’, Svenskt Stål, ika

With 11 alive, it is 6 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-13 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-27 22:00:00).

The Critic · Fri Jul 11, 2014 9:14 am

(A young man is furiously masturbating and crying. The Director walks into the room.)

DIRECTOR. Alright Demetri, we have to OH GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

DEMETRI. Haven't you heard of knocking!?

DIRECTOR. This is the break room!

DEMETRI. You kicked me out of the IT room.

DIRECTOR. We need somewhere to do cocaine.

DEMETRI. And the break room is the only place I can get work done.

DIRECTOR. Look, uh, we're letting you go.

DEMETRI. Masturbation is part of my contract.

DIRECTOR. No it's not that. You're just testing poorly.

DEMETRI. Nerds never get any respect.

DIRECTOR. Well that may be, but you did have the option to get rid of the fedora.

DEMETRI. I have the last remaining gentleman at this company.

DIRECTOR. That reminds me, I need you to log into my email for me.

DEMETRI. I took the liberty of changing your password to "thatdemetriguyissodreamy"

PeregrineV, Demetri LeGuin,

the IT Guy Who Monitors Your Internet Usage Not Because He’s a Creep But Because He Seeks Connectedness With Other People But His Neckbeard and Fedora Prevent Him From Establishing Real Relationships (

Opposite Shift Tracker

)

, has been fired.

The Critic · Fri Jul 11, 2014 3:57 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 7, Shift E.5 (Day), VC 2MrZepher (3) - FourteenPointFive, SleepyKrew, The Goat

Not Voting (6) - Hiplop, MrZepher, ~Jordan’, Svenskt Stål, ika, infinite jesters

With 9 alive, it is 5 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-13 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-17 22:00:00).

The Critic · Sat Jul 12, 2014 6:29 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 7, Shift E.5 (Day), VC 3MrZephyr - 3 (14.5, SleepyKrew, TheGoat)
14.5 - 1 (Infinite Jesters)

Not Voting (5) - Hiplop, MrZepher, ~Jordan’, Svenskt Stål, ika

With 9 alive, it is 5 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-13 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-27 22:00:00).

The Critic · Sun Jul 13, 2014 5:44 am

In post 3328, Infinite Jesters wrote:@ mods: why do we only get 3 shifts this episode again?

Because I put in the wrong date wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

(it's correct now)

The Critic · Sun Jul 13, 2014 9:08 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
Svenskt Stål

Episode 7, Shift E.6 (Night), VC 1MrZepher - 4 (FourteenPointFive, SleepyKrew, TheGoat, Infinite Jesters)

Not Voting (5) - Hiplop, MrZepher, ~Jordan’, Svenskt Stål, ika

With 9 alive, it is 5 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-15 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-27 22:00:00).

The Critic · Tue Jul 15, 2014 2:03 am

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
Svenskt Stål

Episode 7, Shift E.6 (Night), VC 2MrZepher (4) - FourteenPointFive, SleepyKrew, TheGoat, Infinite Jesters
FourteenPointFive (2) - Svenskt Stål, ika

Not Voting (3) - Hiplop, MrZepher, ~Jordan’

With 9 alive, it is 5 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-15 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-07-27 22:00:00).

The Critic · Tue Jul 15, 2014 5:05 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Hiplop
ika
MrZepher
Svenskt Stål

Episode 7, Shift E.6 (Night), VC 3

MrZepher (5) - FourteenPointFive, SleepyKrew, TheGoat, Infinite Jesters, ika

FourteenPointFive (1) - Svenskt Stål

Not Voting (3) - Hiplop, MrZepher, ~Jordan’

With 9 alive, it is 5 to lynch.

The Critic · Tue Jul 15, 2014 5:08 pm

(The same dingy apartment that is now an illegal stripper den. Two men are standing around.)

CURT. So that's what my high school prom was like.

JARED. Really didn't ask for your life story, dude.

CURT. My life ended long ago. I'm just waiting to die now.

JARED. Hey do you want to give me 300 or so dollars to restart my band?

CURT. I spend all of my money on sports memorabilia that I can't really afford.

JARED. Wow this is fun hey look it's the stripper.

(Crystal walks in.)

JARED. Oh hey Crystal, didn't know you were a stripper. I was always curious about your boobs.

CRYSTAL. I'm not showing you my boobs.

JARED. Worst stripper ever.

CRYSTAL. I'm not stripping.

JARED. Oh.

CURT. Who is?

CRYSTAL. Umm no one right now. Hey would either you be interested in doing some security work?

Mr Zepher,

Curt Young, The Guy Who Lives Vicariously Through High School Athletes Because The Apex of His Life is A Yellow Stain on the Back of a Prom Dress That’s Gathering Dust in an Attic Somewhere (

Vanilla Townie

)

, Kicked Off The Show Episode 7.

The Critic · Thu Jul 17, 2014 1:15 am

A word from our sponsors!(A young Latina woman is standing in front of a desk.)

GRACE. Hello. My name is Grace, and I'm the new spokesperson for Minty Mints. I'm very excited to inform all of you of our new business venture. Now that our new CEO Nyarlathotep has restructured the company around human sacrifice and temple building, we've begun development on a product that will quench your thirst while you toil in our slave pits for the rest of your pitiful existence. By now, if you live in the continental United States, you have been visited by one of our representatives and have been given your work assignments. Further instructions on how to purchase our wonderful product will follow. Don't forget to consume endlessly and see all of our exciting brainwashing television shows. Speaking of which, here's Graveyard Shift again.

The Critic · Thu Jul 17, 2014 1:19 am

It is now a Day Shift.

FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 8, Shift E.7 (Day), VC 1Not Voting (8) - Hiplop, infinite jesters, The Goat, SleepyKrew, FourteenPointFive, ~Jordan’, Svenskt Stål, ika

With 8 alive, it is 5 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-19 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-08-02 22:00:00).

The Critic · Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:24 am

In post 3426, Infinite Jesters wrote:
@ mod - prod to goat boy plz

The Goat is not in prod range currently, as he posted in his last shift.

The Critic · Thu Jul 17, 2014 8:55 am

In post 0, The Critic wrote:Prods will be given if a player does not post for the entirety of their shift.

The Critic · Thu Jul 17, 2014 2:52 pm

It is now a Day Shift.

FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 8, Shift E.7 (Day), VC 2infinite jesters (1) - FourteenPointFive
FourteenPointFive (1) - SleepyKrew

Not Voting (6) - Hiplop, The Goat, ~Jordan’, Svenskt Stål, ika, infinite jesters

With 8 alive, it is 5 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-19 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-08-02 22:00:00).

The Critic · Sat Jul 19, 2014 12:46 am

It is now a Day Shift.

FourteenPointFive
infinite jesters
SleepyKrew
The Goat

Episode 8, Shift E.7 (Day), VC 3FourteenPointFive (2) - SleepyKrew, infinite jesters

Not Voting (6) - Hiplop, The Goat, ~Jordan’, Svenskt Stål, ika, FourteenPointFive

With 8 alive, it is 5 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-19 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-08-02 22:00:00).

The Critic · Sat Jul 19, 2014 7:45 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Hiplop
ika
Svenskt Stål

Episode 8, Shift E.8 (Night), VC 1FourteenPointFive (2) - SleepyKrew, The Goat

Not Voting (6) - Hiplop, ~Jordan’, Svenskt Stål, ika, FourteenPointFive, infinite jesters

With 8 alive, it is 5 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-21 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-08-02 22:00:00).

The Critic · Sun Jul 20, 2014 3:48 am

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Hiplop
ika
Svenskt Stål

Episode 8, Shift E.8 (Night), VC 2FourteenPointFive (3) - SleepyKrew, The Goat, Svenskt Stål

Not Voting (5) - Hiplop, ~Jordan’, ika, FourteenPointFive, infinite jesters

With 8 alive, it is 5 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-21 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-08-02 22:00:00).

The Critic · Sun Jul 20, 2014 1:36 pm

(A woman has demolished all of the furniture in a cubicle with an axe and is doing yoga among the splinters)

CYNTHIA. Namaste... namaste... I'M SO SORRY MOMMA

(The Director walks into the cubicle.)

DIRECTOR. Cynthia, clean your shit out OH MY GOD.

CYNTHIA. Namaste.

DIRECTOR. What the hell did you do.

CYNTHIA. I needed to do my yoga.

DIRECTOR. Okay I'm calling security.

CYNTHIA. What if I shared my salad with you?

(The Director sprints down the hallway.)

ika,

Cynthia Allen, the Lady Who Does Yoga On Lunch Breaks Because She Hopes That It Can Eventually Cleanse Out the Shame She Feels For Living a Safe and Meaningless Life and Never Taking the Risks She Always Promised Herself She Would Take After She Watched Her Mother Fade Away From Breast Cancer (

Vanilla Townie

)

, has been fired.

The Critic · Sun Jul 20, 2014 1:36 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Hiplop
ika
Svenskt Stål

Episode 8, Shift E.8 (Night), VC 3FourteenPointFive (2) - SleepyKrew, The Goat
~jordan` (1) - Svenskt Stål
Not Voting (4) - Hiplop, FourteenPointFive, infinite jesters, ~Jordan’

With 7 alive, it is 4 to lynch.

The Shift will switch in (expired on 2014-07-21 22:00:00).
The Episode will end in (expired on 2014-08-02 22:00:00).

The Critic · Mon Jul 21, 2014 5:43 pm

It is now a Night Shift.

~Jordan’
Hiplop
ika
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Episode 8, Shift E.8 (Night), VC 4

FourteenPointFive (4) - SleepyKrew, The Goat, ~Jordan’, Hiplop

~jordan` (1) - Svenskt Stål
Not Voting (2) - FourteenPointFive, infinite jesters

With 7 alive, it is 4 to lynch.

The Critic · Mon Jul 21, 2014 6:27 pm

(The director, the producer, and one man are sitting at a table)

PRODUCER. So based on how Cynthia was testing, we just... don't think it's going to work out.

KENNETH. I don't understand.

PRODUCER. It's nothing personal, we just think you remind audiences of a very unpopular character.

KENNETH. I'm not anything like Cynthia.

DIRECTOR. I'm inclined to agree with Kenneth here. Why exactly are you worried?

PRODUCER. Well we're really pulling into the final stretch here and there are concerns among those of us producing the show that were you to play a major role in the ending, it would turn some viewers off.

KENNETH. Turn viewers off?

PRODUCER. That's what I said, yes.

KENNETH. This is because I'm black.

PRODUCER. NO! Not at all!

DIRECTOR. Holy shit, he's right. That's the only thing they have in common.

PRODUCER. Now wait, I think-

KENNETH. To HELL with what you think. I am not leaving.

PRODUCER. Well... actually you've already been fired.

DIRECTOR. I just want to be on record as saying I am absolutely not okay with this decision.

PRODUCER. Security will be here soon.

KENNETH. Security?! What, just because I'm a black man you think you need that?

PRODUCER. After the Cynthia incident we don't want to take any chances with firings.

KENNETH. ...okay that's actually fairly reasonable.

PRODUCER. But we would like to thank you for participating in the show. We have a parting gift for you in the lobby.

KENNETH. Look, I'm sorry for going straight for the race thing. I'm sure that it was one of those money over everything decisions.

PRODUCER. Oh, no, it was totally a race thing. This is an American show, remember?

DIRECTOR. Consider this my resignation from your network.

PRODUCER. Are you sure? New Minty Mints regulations require that all resigning employees be fed to a company shoggoth to prevent them from helping other companies.

DIRECTOR. Oh come on, that's not even real.

PRODUCER. Do you really want to take that chance?

DIRECTOR. Not really I guess.

PRODUCER. Wonderful. Come on, now. No long faces! We have to go to the illegal stripper den to watch the finale!

FourteenPointFive,

Kenneth Pastor, the Black Single Father Who’s Actually a Super Good Dad You Racists: (

1-shot Bulletproof Townie

)

, has been lynched.

The Critic · Mon Jul 21, 2014 6:42 pm

(The illegal stripper den. Jared is wearing a sleeveless t-shirt and an earpiece. Cecily and Cynthia are doing blow off of Francine's ass. Crystal is writhing on a pole. There is exactly one patron and he is a biker with one tooth. He is throwing nickels at Crystal, who is too strung out on meth to watch her wasted dreams ricocheting off the walls behind her. The Producer, Director, and Kenneth walk in.)

PRODUCER. Great news everyone! It's time to watch the finale!

CECILY. WOOOOOOOOOO!

KENNETH. Oh dear god why am I here.

JARED. Hey did my dad say anything about me?

DIRECTOR. Shut the fuck up, Jared. Where's the projector?

FRANCINE. I'll get it dear, just a minute.

(Francine runs off to the kitchen.)

PRODUCER. Nice place, Cynthia.

CYNTHIA. Rrrrgh!

PRODUCER. What happened to her?

JARED. Meth.

FRANCINE.

(from the kitchen)

Would anyone like a cup of tea?

KENNETH. I'd love some earl grey if you have any.

PRODUCER. I SWEAR TO GOD FRANCINE.

FRANCINE. I've got the projector, dearie, don't worry.

(A light flickers onto the wall behind Crystal. The image is partially obscured by her not-so-lithe-and-in-fact-quite-disappointing-once-you-get-her-clothes-off gyrating body. She is momentarily shocked by the projection and falls off the pole.)

CRYSTAL. Oww.

CECILY. WOOOOOOOO!!!

BIKER. HEY!

PRODUCER. Here's a dollar, go get yourself a sandwich.

BIKER. Score!

(The producer throws the biker a dollar and he runs out of the apartment.)

PRODUCER. It's coming on!

(Onscreen is the opening credits for Graveyard Shift. It shows a few testimonial shots, along with a brief video of two bikini-clad women fighting next to a fax machine.)

DIRECTOR. They did SUCH a good job with this opening title sequence.

JARED. Who were those ladies?

PRODUCER. Paid models.

JARED. Models?

PRODUCER. Prostitutes, whatever, the point is they worked for cheap.

KENNETH. I was working with PROSTITUTES?!

CECILY. WOOOOOO!!!

PRODUCER. Oh please, like it's the first time.

KENNETH. And what is THAT supposed to mean?

PRODUCER. Like there isn't a purple suit and a giant feathered hat in your closet.

KENNETH. There isn't!

PRODUCER. Whatever you say, daddy.

ONSCREEN VOICE. And now, a word from our sponsors

The Critic · Mon Jul 21, 2014 6:50 pm

A word from our sponsorsGRACE. Hi, I'm Grace, spokesperson for Minty Mints. Reminding you that Minty Mints taste best with the blood of a newborn child. Don't forget to breed my sheep don't forget to breed.

The Critic · Mon Jul 21, 2014 7:13 pm

DIRECTOR. So this is the final episode. Who do you think is going to win?

CECILY. WOOOOO!!!

FRANCINE. I'm just glad I got to play!

(Curt stomps noisily into the apartment.)

CURT. Am I late?

CRYSTAL. Hey there guy want to do some meth and then have a roll in the sack.

CURT. No thank you.

CRYSTAL. MY LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL AND UNIQUE NOT AT ALL LIKE THE COOKIE CUTTER EXPERIENCES EVERYONE ELSE IS HAVING.

CYNTHIA. So who wins?

DIRECTOR. Guess!

DEMETRI. The secret alliance!

PRODUCER. Holy fuck where did he come from.

DEMETRI. I read your emails.

CRYSTAL. Everyone's invited to my party!

DEMETRI. Dear god, no.

JARED. What secret alliance?

(The Biker and two police officers crash through the windows of the apartment.)

BIKER. You're all under arrest!

CRYSTAL. OH FUCK. THE METH IS ALL FRANCINE'S. BUT I WILL SUCK YOUR DICK FOR FIVE DOLLARS BECAUSE THAT'S EDGY.

FRANCINE. I don't want to go to prison, dearie.

BIKER. Just kidding, we were running a Truman Show style social experiment. None of this is real and we filmed all of your descents into depravity and madness for a much better television show called Graveyard Shift! The release forms you signed are still binding by the way. Also Crystal that wasn't meth, you've been snorting rock candy for a month now. And your name isn't even Crystal, we hypnotised you so you'd be addicted to meth. Didn't you find that at least mildly ironic though?

CYNTHIA. Was all that Minty Mints shit real?

BIKER. I'm afraid so.

COP 1. My firstborn son is up for sacrifice tomorrow.

COP 2. And I had to give my left nut just to prove my devotion.

BIKER. That sounds pretty negative, acolyte. Do I need to recommend you for remedial consumer purchasing?

COP 2. NO SIR MY CREDIT CARDS ARE ALREADY DANGEROUSLY OVEREXTENDED.

CRYSTAL. Someone needs to come having regret-filled meth sex with me right now or I am literally going to kill myself.

JARED. Wait! Who won?!

SleepyKrew

(Tim Chesterfield, the Shift Supervisor Who Tries To Create an Environment Where He Is a Machiavellian Mastermind But In Fact People Just Humor Him Because of His Awful Toupee (

Mafia 9-shot Silencer

))

~Jordan

(Tina Gomez, the Actually Competent Assistant Manager No One Listens to Because of the Patriarchy (

Mafia Goon

))

hiplop

(Hugo Esposito, the Male Secretary Who Feels Some Gender-Related Shame Not Due to His Job But Because His Boss Makes Him Question His Masculinity (

Mafia Neighbor

))

have won the game!

The Critic · Mon Jul 21, 2014 7:14 pm

CECILY. WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

EPILOGUE:

In the end, Crystal finally realized that a life spent doing meaningless small things probably is just what her personality dictated. So she married Curt, for the sake of symmetry in that way. That little bit of personal poetry was the one thing that kept her going on rainy nights when she lay awake at 3am and said "was this all I was here for?".

That and endless consumption. Buy things, my sheep.

Okay seriously we'll post mod stuff tomorrow. Thanks for the game, everyone. This is a mechanic I've been wanting to run for about four years now, and I'm glad I finally got to do it. quadz is da man.

<3,
UT

The Critic · Tue Jul 22, 2014 2:35 am

Oh yeah, also these
Scum Topic
Neighborhood Topic